Washington D.C.—
Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene has agreed to debate Democratic Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez about the Green New Deal, but has demanded the following requirements:
- AOC must speak in plain, Anglo-Saxon-derived, standard American English. No Spanish, Spanglish, Mexican, or any other “brown language.”
- She cannot bring the preserved body of Vladimir Lenin from his mausoleum in Russia to attend the debate.
- No Jewish space lasers can come within 300 miles of the airspace above the debate location.
- AOC can make no references to any books above an 8th grade reading level.
- AOC must swear on a Bible ahead of the debate, and if any pictures of Jesus are included in the book, they must all depict Jesus as white.
- AOC is not allowed to bring a Bible that’s secretly hollowed out with a copy of The Communist Manifesto inside.
- There will be no drug-dealing allowed in the debate room from any of the family, friends or other guests AOC brings.
- No Jews allowed (MTG is aware they have the technology for lasers small enough to fit into their watches or cell phones).
- If Bigfoot shows up to the debate, MTG gets first dibs on dating him.
- If aliens show up, AOC must tell them repeatedly that MTG is not present, moved to Australia, and paid them ALL the money she owed them.
- No tamales, burritos, tacos, or enchiladas can be served by street vendors outside. Only the following “American First-style” foods: hotdogs, fried butter sticks, and deep-fried Twinkies.
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