Tips For Billionaires On How To Pinch Pennies After Biden Raises Their Taxes

St. Louis, MO—

With President Biden’s plans to raise taxes on the mega rich, many billionaires and Republican lawmakers have spoken out about their fears of the potential tax hikes.

We here at The Halfway Post felt sympathy for those billionaires, and have compiled this handy guide for the super rich on how to live more frugally when the top marginal tax rates increase:

  1. Make coffee at home! You don’t need Starbucks every morning, you can find very cheap coffee at discount food markets and buy it in bulk!
  2. Cut out the avocado toast! Sure, it’s tasty, but how much money are you wasting every month on trendy food items in fashionable restaurants and cafés? Make avocados a sometime treat, not a daily routine.
  3. Sketch out a budget! If you make only $20,000 every hour, it can be easy to spend it without even thinking. So get yourself a notebook, and start tracking all your weekly expenditures to figure out what expenses you can cross out and skip next week.
  4. Start small, but always think big! If you annually buy a new yacht, consider skipping this year. If you usually buy yachts with two helicopter pads, consider just one helicopter pad next time. Ask yourself if you really need that smaller yacht that detaches from your bigger yacht.
  5. Unsubscribe! Do you need Hulu AND Netflix? Do you really need cable TV as well? Think about all your monthly subscriptions and cancel the ones you find yourself not using very much if you’re worried about losing that 10th income digit!
  6. Have “No-Buy” days! Each week, make it a challenge to see if you can go one whole day without spending any money at all! This could be a fun challenge, and a great way to hold on to an extra few hundred thousand dollars every week. Isn’t buying that 5th vacation home more enjoyable when you know you’ve really saved up for it?
  7. Eat in! Consider bringing your own brown bag lunch to the office. You might even find you’re more productive eating at your desk than wasting an hour going out for every lunch. And have wine date nights at home instead of at exclusive, trendy restaurants downtown. The price of rare, vintage wines are marked up considerably at restaurants, and you can buy them much cheaper on your own.
  8. Change brands! Why buy luxury brand underwear when no one will see it but you? If Democratic tax hikes threaten to make you go from a double-digit billionaire to only a single-digit billionaire, buy cheap-rich brands like Louis Vuitton or Gucci for underwear instead of Hermès. It can be your frugal little secret.
  9. Go generic! From your prescription pills, to home products, to grocery store food, the cheaper prices might really surprise you while the quality is basically the same.
  10. Go thrifting! You may even be able to find some of the expensive brands you’re used to wearing if you shop at second-hand stores in rich zip codes.
  11. Use less laundry detergent! A little detergent goes a long way, and detergent companies’ recommendations are usually much higher than you need. It’s a great way to help bring down your laundry expenses.
  12. Save your coupons! Newspapers, mailers, and a plethora of websites are filled with countless unused savings opportunities. If a Democratic tax plan has you pinching your billions, become a coupon king or queen.

We hope this helps in your trying times, billionaires!

More from The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Twitter here, Facebook here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here and subscribe to our Substack newsletter The Halfway Café here.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.