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- Todd Blanche is reportedly real worried French, British, or German prosecutors will reveal a bunch of evidence they have incriminating Donald Trump in their Epstein investigations, and he won’t be able to cover it all up like he can hide the DOJ’s evidence.
- Trump is refusing to say if his $5,000 midterms bribe for voters to reelect a GOP Congress includes the $2,000 D.O.G.E. checks he promised and the $2,000 tariff checks he guaranteed, or if those checks will still be sent separately.
- Trump is reportedly pissed because Obama made a diaper joke but he can’t sue Obama because the trial’s discovery phase would require him to drop his pants and reveal the diaper, the brown and yellow stains, and the unbearable stench.
- Trump is reportedly worried he watches too much AI because he just told Fox News he was at Ground Zero with George Washington, and a bald eagle came and awarded him the Nobel Peace Prize, and then he fought Canada’s Mark Carney on the World Trade Center rubble.
- Grindr reportedly surged into the danger zone of traffic use just three minutes after the GOP’s midterm convention began.
- Todd Blanche is reportedly starting to worry because several European countries’ justice systems are getting close to actually prosecuting some of the Epstein pedophiles, which will make him look terrible for doing nothing.
- Trump has reportedly been watching AI videos of himself being carried off by firemen all day long.
- Ken Paxton’s dog has reportedly endorsed James Talarico, and pees on Paxton’s campaign sign in his yard every morning.
- Trump reportedly keeps bringing up the dong size of the firemen who carried him to safety on 9/12, and said their dongs were almost as big as Arnold Palmer’s dong.
- The hashtag #SaddamInsane referencing the world’s new nickname for Donald Trump is going viral on several foreign social media platforms.
- Trump reportedly rants twice a day to his staffers about how ugly, sloppily dressed, and unpopular Ken Paxton is.
- A MAGA voter who took out a $4K loan after Trump promised $4K in checks from DOGE and the tariff profits says he’s taking out another loan for $5K after Trump last night promised that amount if the GOP keeps Congress, and he says he’s 100% sure Trump will keep his word.
- Trump says he saved a pregnant woman from the rubble of 9/11, and she named her baby girl “Donaldina” in his honor, and Donaldina grew up to be a doctor and also a total 10, so basically he’s responsible for saving thousands of more lives too.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published the perfect books for you: Trump Comedy, Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years.
Also check out my four existentialist poetry books: Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 