St. Louis, MO—
This summer will be hot with published political memoirs from top officials in the Trump Administration hoping to set the record straight and launder their reputations and governmental legacies via ghostwriters and big publishing house contracts.
Mockery and calls for boycotts are coming from Democrats, and thousands of pre-orders of each memoir have been arranged already by the Republican National Committee in order to ensure these conservative books get on all the best-selling lists from mainstream media companies that Republicans spend every day insisting don’t matter and should be destroyed.
Upcoming Trump Administration political memoirs:
Kellyanne Conway’s upcoming political memoir will be titled “Alternative Memories,” and detail how Donald Trump built a wall across the entire Mexican border, took away North Korea’s nukes, colonized China, and won the Boston Marathon.
Mike Pence’s upcoming memoir will reportedly be titled “Getting Hard: How The Trump Presidency Erected Global Leadership.”
Bill Barr’s upcoming political memoir will reportedly be titled “F*** The Law & F*** You.”
Stephen Miller’s upcoming political memoir doubles as a cookbook, and will reportedly be titled “101 Ways To Get Away With Murder And Then Eat The Bodies.”
Sarah Huckabee Sanders’s upcoming political memoir will reportedly be titled “Gravy, Grits, God & Bullshit.” Notable excerpts include a lengthy rationale for why telling lies to the atheist, liberal media is perfectly okay with Jesus; a correct-the-record explanation for why the narrative about President Trump disrespecting women is all wrong in which she commends Trump for stopping at second base with her; and, for some reason, there will be a chapter on how to best artificially inseminate a cow.
Ben Carson is writing a book as well, but it’s not a political memoir. Instead, he is exploring his favorite new topic in a forthcoming book called: “From Parietal Lobes to Pyramids: How a Surgeon Upset A Millennia Of Misunderstanding About Ancient Egypt’s Granaries.”
A posthumous memoir from Herman Cain is also heading toward the printers, titled “Taking A Stand: One Man’s Courageous Battle Against Fascist Mask Mandates.”
Unfortunately you can’t pre-order these books because every last copy of the initial printing runs of all of them have been pre-ordered by the RNC. According to an investigative report by The Halfway Post, literally no one buys the uselessly ideological books written by Republican government officials except the RNC. The only exception is Donald Trump Jr.’s books, which also get bought in bulk by Russian oligarchs.
More from The Halfway Post vault:
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