The Apology Paul Ryan Owes America

(Photo by Gage Skidmore)

Washington D.C.—

Former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is a textbook example of spinelessness. This is the apology he owes us for spending his time as Speaker refusing to offer any personal opinions on the Trump Administration’s weekly plethora of controversies, pretending he never read Trump’s absurdly belligerent tweets, gaslighting the media when they’d ask about Trump’s preposterously immoral personal character, and abandoning the idealistic notion that our elected officials shouldn’t divide the people every chance possible for short-term, hyper-partisan electoral gain via increasingly xenophobic conspiracists who detest democracy and the historic liberal values upon which our country is founded:

“Hey, everyone, it has been a long time since I’ve last tweeted, but I have to clear my conscience for myself, my family, and my beloved nation: Donald Trump CANNOT be renominated for president by the GOP. He cannot be given four more years as president of our great nation. Donald Trump has been cruel and horrible in a million ways, and having a Republican in the White House was just not worth dealing with the sociopathic and fascist apocalypse of democracy he tried to conjure in America. Democrats simply have to win, and return our country to a psychological sanity that Republicans, at the moment, are truly incapable of giving us. The Faustian bargain I made to leverage Trump’s demagogic appeal and MAGA voting base for a full Republican government in order to pass extreme tax cuts backfired, and the endurance of America’s democratic experiment is clearly at stake. Like all Faustian bargains, I was hoisted by my own petard as my Frankenstein-ish monstrosity of a House Republican caucus commandeered by Donald Trump’s childish, unleashed id bested my political abilities to wrangle the contemporary GOP’s factional insanities, ended my political enthusiasm for public service, and ultimately left me soulless. Though dealing on a daily basis with Trump’s 5th grade intelligence, utter inability to think of anything or anyone other than himself, and his early signs of dementia were punishments I could barely withstand, I cannot help but lie awake at night thinking how much worse existential vengeance I have earned. I deserve to have to try to explain to his toddler brain how complicated healthcare is every day for a torturous eternity. Like all conservative coalitions expecting to control a racist demagogue before me throughout history, I too lost control of my electorally useful sociopath, and was entirely emasculated trying to maintain the illusion of normalcy while that wannabe dictator mangled and dismantled every safeguard of nonpartisan governmental professionalism standing in his way of corrupt intentions. All those times I said I hadn’t heard his base appeals to Americans’ worst instincts, or I said I hadn’t read his offensive tweets, I was lying. I knew all too well the damage he was doing to our society and culture. Yet I was a coward, and I put my desire of letting already mega rich people and corporations pay even less money in taxes ahead of the institutional stability of the country. I was silent when I could have, and should have, said something or done something. And I wasted several years after leaving Congress reclusively abandoning my responsibility to try and reign in the political monster I helped set free in order to quietly profit personally in the lucrative private sector world of lobbying and executive boardroom membership thanks to those tax cuts I passed. But no more. I now fully own up to my abject spinelessness; my moral, masculine, and historical cowardice; and my personification of everything that is wrong in contemporary politics. I accept fully the blame for enabling Donald Trump’s worst impulses, his Constitutional subterfuge, and our current governmental psychopathy. I admit that I am the worst. It is much too late to prevent Trump from ever getting elected, but I hope to help prevent a second Trump term. So I fully endorse the Democratic Party, no matter who their next nominee will be, with my whole heart. I may never recover my soul from my Faustian bargain, but I hope to reclaim a sliver of my heart, which quivers with despair every time I look into my children’s eyes and see the democratic and free society they will inherit burning in the reflection. So please vote for Democrats. America cannot handle another four years of President Donald Trump. There will be no America left. He will degrade it, destroy it, and abandon it like he has degraded, destroyed, and abandoned everything else in his life, from his marriages, to his casinos, to all his personal relationships. So I repeat one last time that Democrats are our only hope. Donald Trump cannot be trusted with any quantity of authority or responsibility, no matter how small and insignificant. He is unequivocally the very worst president this nation has ever suffered through since at least the Civil War when James Buchanan passively watched the South begin seceding following his successor’s election. Trump, following his incitement of the January 6th coup attempt, may still outdo Buchanan and actively incite a civil war. Time will tell, but I’ll certainly be spending all my time working to ensure Donald Trump, if he runs again, loses the next election by a wide as margin as possible. I owe such determination to the American people. Sorry again for helping push us as close to the precipice of fascism as America has ever been!”

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