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- A disillusioned White House staffer says Americans would be “shocked” to learn how many hours every day Donald Trump spends watching AI slop videos of himself on Truth Social posted by bots depicting him as a superhero, Air Force pilot, Army general, dictator, or Jesus.
- Donald Trump is reportedly demanding JD Vance switch religions again after feuding with the Pope.
- After feuding for days with Pope Leo XIV, Trump is reportedly threatening to demand all his Catholic fans start a “MAGA Reformation,” renounce the Vatican, and start a competing branch of “American Catholicism” with its own US-based Pope that he wants to appoint.
- Trump was reportedly hoping to making JD Vance the first Pope of a new branch of “MAGA Catholicism” that would be personally loyal to him, but, after Vance got totally humiliated in Hungary and during the Iran negotiations, Trump no longer thinks Vance has the star power to convince Catholics to abandon the Vatican.
- Catholics across the US fear Trump’s crackpot idea for an American Papacy is really just a cover for him to start a new pedophile sex-trafficking ring because the Epstein ring got busted up.
- A new global poll found that 93% of Catholics outside the US want JD Vance to convert back to Evangelicalism and never try to mansplain Catholicism to the Pope ever again.
- Trump reportedly told Karoline Leavitt to remove her cross necklace to show loyalty to him over the Pope.
- A top Vatican official says Pope Leo XIV is a big fan of JD Vance memes, and texts them daily to several group chats he has with various cardinals and bishops accompanied by numerous laughing emojis.
- Top GOP officials are reportedly worried the Trump presidency will end in a Jonestown-style tragedy.
- Top Trump staffers have reportedly given him a big architect play set so he can design various monuments to himself all day while they deescalate the Strait of Hormuz crisis before Trump orders the military into a pyrrhic invasion of Iran that wrecks the global economy.
- Trump is reportedly afraid to have a Bible in the same room as him since he started feuding with the Pope.
- Trump is reportedly going to make JD Vance choose between MAGA and the Catholic Church.
- The Nobel Prize Committee is reportedly considering giving Pope Leo the Peace Prize to make Trump so mad he has a brain aneurysm because nothing would so quickly make the world a more peaceful place.
- AUTHOR THOUGHT: I’m actually quite surprised that Trump never fully tried to get into the religion business. He would have made wayyy more money being a televangelist than just licensing his name to pretend to be a successful businessman, and had much more fun puffing himself up and seeing himself on TV every week without having to spend so many years doing all the daily presidential obligations and responsibilities he very clearly has always hated doing, such as sitting through briefings about countries and foreign leaders or complicated policy and trade details or legislative tactics for passing bills he doesn’t really give a shit about unless it can result in a dazzling photo-op, and going to memorial day events to honor fallen soldiers, and, of course, occasionally having to walk up stairs on camera or listen to female reporters ask him a question. If Trump had started a church he also would have just largely been ignored by all the Democrats, professional journalists, and celebrities who every day fill him with fury because they won’t brown-nose him. And you know he’d love to sell Bibles with a giant “T” on them.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 