First up, I had a great chat with Ericka Kopp for VA-01 about her campaign for Congress, how campaigns work, and the Democratic Party:
Dash Talks With Ericka Kopp
Ericka Kopp is a progressive Democrat running for Congress in Virginia, and we discussed her story, what it’s like to…thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
Now for the Dada News headlines!
- Donald Trump is reportedly “earthshakingly angry” after making himself the World Cup’s biggest punchline with 2 billion football fans now mocking him relentlessly and arguing whether he looked more like a lost, senile dementia patient, or a pathetic, narcissistic loser.
- KY Governor Andy Beshear was just awarded the “2026 Merrick Garland Prize for Political Timidity” for refusing to hold a special election to either replace Mitch McConnell or at least prove that Mitch is alive.
- The national diarrhea epidemic is reportedly related to a lettuce farm of a Trump donor that Trump himself visited three months ago and had to leave abruptly after witnesses say he appeared to shit himself while walking through the fields being shown the lettuce crop.
- Gangs in LA, NYC, Chicago, and other major cities are reportedly agreeing to truces through the midterms so they can collectively protect voters from the illegal intimidation and harassment that Trump is demanding ICE and other federal officers do at polling places.
- Mitch McConnell has reportedly been condemned to 10,000 years in purgatory stuck immobile inside an iron lung for his crimes against the American Constitution and democracy.
- Spanish officials say they’ll release unredacted photos of the World Cup trophy celebration with Trump in them as soon as Trump releases the unredacted Epstein Files.
- A new poll found that 100% of liberals want Democratic senators to ask Todd Blanche 100 questions while he’s under oath such as, “Did Trump do anything sexual with children?” and “Do photos exist of Trump with Epstein that are redacted?” and “Are their allegations of Trump’s misconduct that haven’t been released?” so that when all the Epstein Files are finally released Blanche will go to prison for years for perjury.
- FIFA officials are reportedly debating giving Trump a lifetime ban from all FIFA events for refusing to get off the stage during the trophy celebration.
- Trump is reportedly so consumed with rage and fury at the entire world for the globally viral mockery of his “embarrassing” and “pathetic” photobombing of the Spanish football team that he couldn’t golf today or even do any insider trading stock deals.
- Following 24 hours straight of the entire planet making fun of him for photobombing the Spanish team’s trophy celebration, Trump is reportedly beginning to worry that the rest of the world does not respect him.
- Trump is reportedly threatening to cancel every government contract with the tech companies unless they make the algorithms censor all content online that refers to the ongoing diarrhea epidemic as “Trumporrhea.”
- After hearing Kash Patel is flying to Russia a month before the midterms, a top GOP official accidentally said on a hot mic, “Jesus fucking Christ, is Donald Trump too brain-damaged to pretend for one goddamn day he’s not Putin’s bitch? And why send drunk dumbass Kash? Wait, is this microphone on? Ah, fuck it, it feels good to tell the truth for once.”
- All the Spanish players at the World Cup were reportedly directed by FIFA officials to under no circumstances let Trump touch the trophy again after he handed it off to ensure he couldn’t steal it.
- One of the most viral videos across multiple pornography websites right now is a clip of Trump getting loudly booed by tens of thousands of football fans at the World Cup.
- Top Republican senators are reportedly worried Kash Patel will be tricked and compromised by a dozen Russian honeypot and blackmail operations before the end of his first day in Moscow on his October trip.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 