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- Trump reportedly had a tantrum this morning when Natalie Harp had an AI agent list the “worst US presidents” for him, but forgot to add directions in the prompt to include Obama and Biden, so Donald Trump saw his name listed with Buchanan, Pierce, Johnson, and Harding.
- Trump is reportedly stockpiling the poisoned beef at Mar-a-Lago for a “Jim Jones style buffet dinner” in November if Democrats win both chambers of Congress and can investigate him and all his administration staffers, donors, and family.
- RFK Jr.’s staffers are asking people sickened by the nation’s epidemic of contaminated produce and meat to stop mailing samples of their diarrhea to RFK’s D.C. office.
- Usha Vance is reportedly worried Trump will stroke out and/or resign, and her husband will inherit Trump’s wildly corrupt dumpster fire of an administration and have to take ownership of the Epstein Files coverup, Iran War, and Natalie Harp.
- A new poll found that 86% of Americans want all of the world’s particle accelerators to be turned off and then turned back on at the same time just to see if it puts us into a new alternate timeline that isn’t insane.
- Bankrupt cattle farmers in the farm states are reportedly unloading wagons full of manure in front of the offices of their Republican members of Congress.
- Mar-a-Lago guests are reportedly nervous because beef stew is on the dinner menu tonight.
- Top GOP officials are warning that the Trump Administration will become a “ghost town” with hundreds of resignations if Democrats win Congress and obtain investigative subpoena power.
- Natalie Harp is reportedly the county’s most prolific user of AI as she spends 8+ hours every day at the White House directing AI agents to create fake photos, videos, favorable polls, awards, magazine covers, newspaper stories, and internet comments for Donald Trump.
- Farmers and cattle ranchers in Kansas, Nebraska, and Iowa are competing over which state can build the tallest “Trump Mountain” made out of manure and unsold crops in honor of Trump’s constant betrayals, and will light them on fire the day before the midterm elections.
- White House staffers are reportedly worried that if Trump strokes out Natalie Harp will be impossible to be removed from the side of his casket while it’s displayed in Congress.
- Darlene Graham’s poll ratings are skyrocketing amongst MAGA voters after admitting she doesn’t know anything about foreign policy or healthcare.
- Top GOP officials are “freaking out” because Trump is only giving party money for candidate midterm ads that promote him personally when no GOP candidates want their campaigns to be associated withhis floundering, failed presidency.
- Legal scholars have found an obscure D.C. law from 1796 that applies to Donald Trump by mandating public officials who steal more than $100 of tax dollars get their hair shaved off.
- Trump reportedly wants Natalie Harp to be buried with him when he dies.
- If you enjoy my warped sense of humor, become a paid subscriber to support my comedy that so relentlessly mocks the Trump Administration every day for just $2.50 a month! 🥃
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published the perfect book for you: Trump Comedy. I’ve also published two others: Satire In The Trump Years and Satire In The Biden Years.
Also check out my four existentialist poetry books: Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 