White House Chef Resigns, Is Writing Tell-All Book On Trump’s Eating Habits

Washington D.C.—

White House Executive Chef Elizabeth Markowitz has resigned her post claiming that her talents are only called for during rare state visits from foreign dignitaries.

“Honestly, this job is just incredibly boring because the President really only utilizes my services to be a glorified fast food delivery girl,” explained Markowitz. “I know all the McDonalds and KFC window station employees by name. Sometimes heads of other countries will come to the White House, but, even then, President Trump’s menu choices all revolve around ice cream and fried foods. I didn’t go to elite culinary schools or subject myself to rigorous vetting by the FBI for a White House position just to drop endless bags of potatoes into the fryer.”

Markowitz’s next endeavor is to write a tell-all book about her time in the White House kitchen.

“I actually got an inside look at how the White House operates,” she said. “And, let me tell you, as bad as you think it is, it’s way worse. I saw some real weird shit.”

Below are several preview excerpts Markowitz’s publisher have provided The Halfway Post:

President Trump loves M&M candies in his ice cream, but makes Chef Markowitz remove all the brown ones. Her predecessor was fired when Trump found a single brown M&M he had missed.

Trump claimed to French President Macron that he invented the recipe to the McDonalds Big Mac.

When Trump eats Taco Bell tacos or burritos and some of the meat or beans in the middle fall out, he yells out to whoever is dining with him that the wall will get ten feet higher.

Trump’s favorite pizza topping is sauerkraut.

Trump critiques the Diet Coke cans he drinks like a scotch aficionado would rate a fine whiskey, with Trump often making comments on each can’s flavor profile, as well as how it smells “on the nose.”

Trump leaves lipstick stains on all the straws he uses.

Trump often comments to Republican guests that climate change can’t be real because ice cream still exists.

Donald Trump forbids vegetables from being served. Markowitz once described broccoli, and Trump said he had never heard of it. When showed a picture, he claimed it was fake news.

Trump delicately takes off all the skin of his fried chicken with a knife and fork, and sets it to the side of his plate. Then, he removes all the lean meat and discards it. The fat that’s left he wraps up inside the pieces of skin, and eats it, often slurping the fat as if it was an oyster. Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe threw up the first time he had dinner with Trump and witnessed this. Also, Trump only eats chicken breasts. He and Senior Adviser Stephen Miller have had several discussions on what they think human breasts taste like.

Donald Trump is adamant that President Obama “had to have eaten more fried chicken” than him, despite vigorous disagreement from White House staff members.

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