Trump Fans Are Furious He’s Not Making Progress On His Canadian Wall

Dallas, TX—

Local Trump fan group “Deplorables 4 Trump” has disbanded, with a majority of its members expressing anger that President Donald Trump has not made more progress in building his wall between the borders of United States and Canada.

“Look, I love Trump just as much as the next Deplorable, but he promised he’d keep out the undesirables, and yet, everywhere I turn, I’m finding out that Canadians are stealing good, American jobs in the music, film, and sports industries,” exclaimed Richard Dorsette, 62, founder of the group. “Ryan Reynolds, Justin Bieber, Jim Carey, Celine Dion, Wayne Gretzky, Drake, Ryan Gosling, and Avril Lavigne all need to go back to where they came from! The only reason I’m not a millionaire actor, heartthrob crooner, or whore pop star is because Canadians took all those jobs!”

Other group members were worried that Canadians were not assimilating into American culture.

“I don’t judge because I’m a good Christian, but these Canadians just don’t share American values,” said Cheryl Boschert, 48. “They’re always clamoring on and on about the benefits of universal healthcare coverage, and how they don’t have to declare bankruptcy when they get sick in Canada. But that’s why America is the toughest country on Earth, and Canada is full of communist libtards! And all these Canadians are always complaining about our global outlier statistics on gun violence, but they just don’t understand that weekly mass murders are the price Americans eagerly embrace in order to have the freedom of having high-velocity, military-grade assault weapons without any infringement, no matter how many substance abuse, domestic abuse, or mental health red flags are waving furiously. If they want to come here, they gotta learn how to be American, and that means accepting always being at risk of murder when stepping out in crowded, public places!”

Dorsette has since started a new group, called “Fuck Canada.”

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