Washington D.C.—
According to White House insiders, Vice President Mike Pence has spent several weeks trying to convince President Donald Trump not to escalate tensions with Iran, but to instead threaten who he called “the generals of the gay agenda.”
According to internal memos leaked to The Halfway Post, Mr. Pence outlined for the President the following list of targets to bomb in order to cripple America’s enemies in the war on the gay agenda:
- Kurt Hummel from Glee
- Jack McFarland from Will & Grace
- the Teletubbies
- all the lesbians from Orange Is The New Black
- the Care Bears
- Cameron Tucker from Modern Family
- the grave site of James Buchanan
- Willow from Buffy The Vampire Slayer
- Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter
- Catwoman
- Mr. Ratburn from Arthur
- Frank Underwood from House of Cards
- Ted Cruz… not because he thinks Ted Cruz is gay, but because everyone hates Ted Cruz.
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