Trump’s Physician Has To Hide His Blood Pressure Pills In Hot Dogs

Washington D.C.—

According to two White House staffers, President Donald Trump does not like taking medicine to keep his high blood pressure under control. As a result, White House Chief Physician Mark Loredo must hide the pills by stuffing them into the hotdogs Mr. Trump requests for lunch while golfing.

“The President really likes the hotdogs that are served at his golf courses,” explained a Trump staffer requesting anonymity to describe the President’s healthcare regimen. “The President always makes a big fuss about taking his medicine, and Dr. Loredo eventually figured out Trump doesn’t notice the pills if they’re inserted into hotdogs cooked well-done and smothered with ketchup. His alarmingly high blood pressure is essentially a matter of national security, so the lengths we have to go to trick him into taking these pills is totally called for.”

Another staffer confirmed these details to The Halfway Post.

“It was a pretty big learning curve for us at first to figure out how to get Trump to take these pills,” confirmed the second staffer. “We had to use a lot of trial and error. Initially, we tried stuffing the pills into his ice cream, one in each of the two scoops he insists on getting daily, but he’d melt the ice cream in his mouth, spit out the pill, and start fussing for a new bowl of ice cream that hadn’t been ‘tainted.’ Then we tried steaks, burrito bowls, mashed potatoes, and we even tried dissolving the pills in his Diet Coke cans, but he could always tell that the flavor of the Diet Coke was off. He’d knock the can off his desk and start screaming for Jared to bring him a new one. We’d pretend the Diet Coke was normal, but he’d say he has been drinking nine cans of Diet Coke every day for 35 years, and that he can tell when something is amiss. Finally, we found that hotdogs worked. The golf resort buys regular-sized hotdogs, but they individually cut each one in half like Trump likes, and we think he’s just so pleased with how big his hands look holding the mini hotdogs that he doesn’t notice the pills. When a platter of them are brought out, he squeals with delight and claps his hands, and can’t wait to grab one and start talking with very animated gestures as he makes remarks about how delicious the ‘totally normal-sized’ hotdogs are. His golf buddies treat it like an emperor’s new clothes type of thing, and they take turns remarking at how big the hotdogs are, and how they’re so full after just one. It’s really odd, but, if anyone doesn’t go along with it, Trump gets very upset and suggests Steve Mnuchin ought to investigate their tax records.”

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(Picture courtesy of Marco Verch.)

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