Donald Trump Jr. Claims Being 3rd-Generation-Rich Had Nothing To Do With His Success

New York City, NY—

Donald Trump Jr. today claimed in a Fox & Friends segment that his father’s wealth and grandfather’s company had nothing to do with his wealth.

“I’m so sick of people claiming I’m not responsible for my success in life!” Donald Jr. exclaimed, unprompted by co-host Steve Doocy. “I’ve done everything for myself! Me having the same exact name as a famous billionaire, working as an executive at my grandfather’s company, and then getting paid by NBC to be on my dad’s reality show was barely any help at all! Same with my book Triggered. In fact, my dad didn’t help with that one bit. My ghostwriter who wrote it all helped me way more than my dad ever did. So that book was 100% my accomplishment, and it had nothing to do with inheriting millions of dollars from my family. And my dad had nothing to do with the RNC buying thousands of copies of my book. It’s just a coincidence that he was the RNC’s presidential nominee and is now the President!”

Co-host Brian Kilmeade remarked on how passionate this topic made Donald Jr.

“Because I’m so sick of people acting like I’m some kind of nepotistical trust fund baby,” Donald Jr. replied. “In fact, having the same name as my dad probably hurt me more than it ever helped me because he’s got so many lawsuits going against him for just about every crime there is. When women see me walking down the street, they cross to the other side because, with all of my dad’s sexual assault lawsuits, they probably think I’m some kind of rapist monster, too, but I’m not. I’m a good guy. I’m very chivalrous. It’s only my dad who does the raping. And when I have a good business idea, American banks won’t give me any loans because of my dad’s terrible credit and awful track record of one cheap, ill-advised, failed product or business venture after another. And when I finally get loan money from Saudi Arabian or Russian oligarchs to try out my own real estate projects, no workers or contractors will work with me because my dad has screwed over literally every contracting firm on the Eastern seaboard. And don’t even get me started on all my great charity ideas. My dad spent years telling me it was cool to use our family’s charitable foundation to buy anything from candy bars at the gas station to over-sized paintings of ourselves, but that turned out to be false and illegal. Now I can’t work with any charity in New York for the next decade, but it’s my dad’s fault, not mine! And the worst part is that even though I’m Donald Trump Jr. and the oldest child, he still loves Ivanka more! She got the White House job that I wanted, and all I get to be is the stupid CEO of the Trump Organization. It’s unfair! But don’t forget I still got this high up in the company all because of my own talents! It had nothing to do with my dad! He gave me a multi-million dollar salary the second I graduated from college because of my business talent and experience, not because I’m his kid! Don’t call me a trust fund baby! I’m a best-selling author and my dad didn’t write a word of it, my ghost-writer did all the writing! So take that!”

Donald Jr. then burst into tears and cried until Steve Doocy called a commercial break. When Fox & Friends resumed, Don Jr. was gone and Brian Kilmeade began showing the audience his rock collection.

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(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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