Obamacare Repeal Bill Approaching Mitch McConnell’s Anus, Expected Tomorrow


A spokesperson for Mitch McConnell confirmed this afternoon that the Senate Majority Leader’s latest doctor appointment went well, and that the Senate’s Obamacare repeal bill is making steady progress through McConnell’s large intestine.

“The prognosis was great, and the majority leader is very excited that this long repeal process is coming to an end,” said Evan McMallan, McConnell’s spokesperson. “The doctor warned the majority leader that he may experience some discomfort with the passing of the bill, but that he wagered the next bowel movement would finally see the birth of the Obamacare repeal bill America has been waiting for.”

While some complications are possible in the passing of the bill through Mr. McConnell’s anus due to the size of the bill, the excretory process is expected to be quick.

“I have given Mitch several preparation exercises over the last couple months to prepare his body for the stress,” said Dr. Jim Eichleman, McConnell’s physician. “I have overseen a training regimen that I believe should have increased Mitch’s anus flexibility, as well as strengthened his pelvic muscles. Of course I will be on call throughout this amazing miracle of life, but I don’t anticipate being needed.”

The majority leader was personally unavailable for comment, spending time with his family back in Kentucky.

*This story is developing.*

(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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