Zurich, Switzerland—
No identity in the art world has been more mysterious than the anonymous persona of Banksy, but the incognito artist has finally revealed himself in a stunning press release announcing his retirement.
“Bet none of ya ‘spected Banksy was ‘ol Pope Franky all this time,” Pope Francis said in Zurich, Switzerland, wearing a “Brooklyn” themed baseball hat set backwards and a large golden cross necklace. “Except for my main squeeze Jesus and our heavenly G-Unit, street art has been my life’s passion, and I’m happy that my art has been keeping it real for so many for so long.”
The reasons for the Pope’s artistic retirement from the graffiti scene include his age and his increasingly busy Papal schedule.
“It’s been rad tagging urban environments with my sick social commentary, y’all, but it’s time I officially retire as Banksy in order to better fulfill my dope Papal duties and responsibilities,” the Pope said. “I was hoping to carry on both personas for at least a few more years, but Vatican Bishops were starting to notice my frequent absences and getting nosy in my biz-ness.”
Pope Francis held the press conference in front of his very last graffiti work, tagged on the side of a Zurich jailhouse. The piece detailed a caricature of President Donald Trump in an orange jumpsuit behind bars, with the title “Climate Criminal” below it.
The Pope has long been a critic of Mr. Trump’s climate and environmental policies, and the Papal gift to Trump during his Vatican visit two months ago was a Papal treatise on the Christian responsibility of reducing carbon emissions and reversing human-related climate change. The message fell on deaf Trumpian ears.
“Donald Dump is never gonna be a ride-or-die of mine until he gets legit on carbon, friends,” the Pope said. “The truth of the matter is that this world is the only world we got, and we gotta keep our climate lit—figuratively and not literally!”
The press conference was brief, and Pope Francis had plans to return to the Vatican in time for evening mass, but the Pope still made time to hand out copies of his pop-rap mixtape to reporters.
(Photo courtesy of Long Thiên.)
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