New Christian Toy Trend: Fetus Dolls


St. Louis, MO—

There’s a new trend for girls in Christian families, and it’s a hot, novel take on the classic doll toy.

A recently released doll created by Fear God Toys & Games, Inc. is designed in the shape of a fetus, and it allows Christian girls to imagine they have their very own gestating fetuses.

The Fetus Dolls come in a spherical womb-like holder, and have a button on the holder’s base that makes the Fetus Doll appear to talk when pressed. There are four phrases programmed in this first edition of the toy: “Abortion is murder,” “Hell lasts forever,” “God sees everything you do and knows everything you think,” and “Sex before marriage kills!”

The dolls are not interactive beyond the recorded messages, and the packaging states that the doll’s intended use is not so much for play as much as a reminder for little girls that abortion is a sin that earns an automatic Hell sentence. Inside the Fetus Dolls’ bodies are ink cartridges primed to explode in all directions if an attempt is made to remove the fetus from its plastic womb. At the bottom of the womb’s base is a speaker that blares a loud police siren sound when the ink cartridge explodes, along with scream sound effects to simulate the pain and suffering experienced in the fires of Hell.

“It’s never too early to instill a memorably terrifying fear of God’s omnipotent but loving fury,” said Fetus Doll creator John Ranker. “We believe this toy is a perfect Christian gift for any little girls above the age of three. It’s like an Elf on the Shelf, but for potential sluts and harlots!”

The Fetus Dolls have gone viral thanks to a product placement marketing deal with the 700 Club, and an enthusiastic blurb from Pat Robertson himself printed on the packaging of the boxes they come in that says “With Fetus Dolls, your little princess won’t just be traumatized by abortion for life, but also premarital sex, too!”

The first shipment of Fetus Dolls, approximately 50,000 dolls, was sold out in only one week. Unfortunately, there had been a slight production error that left defects in several hundred dolls, which had to be thrown away, but production is ramping up considerably now thanks to demand.

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(Photo courtesy of xersti.)

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