Donald Trump Goes Bankrupt In Family Monopoly Game, Sues His Children In Real Life

Washington D.C.—

A Trump family game of Monopoly in the White House last night ended the same way President Donald Trump’s real life business ventures typically end: a bankruptcy followed by a barrage of lawsuits.

Trump was reportedly playing as the banker in a game that included Melania, Don Jr., Eric, Ivanka and Barron, and, despite multiple accusations of fraudulent banking, Mr. Trump reportedly still went bankrupt.

Trump’s children had all caught him taking extra hundred dollar bills when he passed “GO,” which Trump said was fair because he claimed Russians were renting out his Atlantic City property “under the table.”

On his last roll before quitting Mr. Trump landed on the $200 income tax square and became enraged when no one would loan him money for the debt because he hadn’t paid back previous loans Eric and Don Jr. had given him to buy Park Place from Melania, who refused to sell unless Trump also, in real life, would commit to giving Barron more money in his will than Eric. Trump had agreed, but immediately after mocked Eric and Don Jr. for being stupid to give him the loans he announced he had no intention of ever paying back.

Because of his hopeless financial problems, Trump flipped the board and ruined the game for everyone, at which point Barron, who had the most property value at the time, was declared the winner by Melania. This upset Eric, who burst into tears at how “unfair” the game was, even though they had allowed him to start off with $300 more than everyone else when he insisted the game wouldn’t be realistic unless he was third-generation privileged like in real life.

Don Jr., meanwhile, had picked up a go-directly-to-jail Chance card the previous turn, and was relieved the game ended before his piece had spent a full turn there.

President Trump then left the room with a huff and sulked for an hour, and when he returned he handed his children official notices that he was suing them all for $5 billion apiece for Trump brand damages due to the Monopoly bankruptcy they helped precipitate.

Eric Trump reportedly told his father to “go to heck.”

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