Definitive Proof That Donald Trump Has Small, Stubby Fingers


Washington D.C.—

The Supreme Court has issued another landmark ruling, this time determining once and for all that President Donald Trump does, in fact, possess very small hands with short, stubby sausage link fingers.

The Supreme Court’s big votes have lately been tainted with partisan, party-line votes, but this ruling was a rare unanimous vote.

The case comes from a lawsuit launched by Mr. Trump against The Halfway Post for reporting previously that Trump’s fingers are sausage-like and laughably stubby, and Trump had sued us for $3 trillion (yes, that is a T) in damages to his brand.

After a week of lawyers’ arguments and evidence consideration, the judges quickly concluded that The Halfway Post was in no way publishing libel when we declared that his fingers deserved wide-spread mockery for their humiliatingly disproportionate sizing.

Attached is photographic proof that Trump’s fingers are humorously small, and we’ll let you decide for yourself, dear reader, if all nine Supreme Court justices and the Halfway Post’s editorial board are correct to say that his hands and fingers are much more beta than alpha.

But, seriously, look at that small finger. Typical human hands are able to cover their owners’ faces, but Trump’s hand could barely cover half of his face. “Small hands Don!”

(Picture courtesy of Matt Johnson.)

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