Alt-Right Nazis Insist Feminists Are “The Real Nazis” Because They Can’t Get Laid


St. Louis, MO—

In a stunning case of bad self-introspection, self-described Alt-Righters, who share Third Reich-related Nazi memes on the internet all night every night in between masturbation trips to the bathroom, are blaming “feminists,” “feminazis,” and “independent women” for the reason they can’t get laid.

“It sucks,” said Jacob Dearden, a prolific meme fanboy of the bastardized, nazified Pepe the Frog cartoon character and the Trump Train meme. “Ever since women moved into the work force during WWII to help the war effort by filling traditionally male-dominated jobs in factories and got a taste of self-empowerment, this society has been on a downhill slide. FDR ruined this country by declaring war against Nazi Germany. The Nazis had it right, where German women during WWII knew their role was to have a lot of Nazi babies. Some thousands of women volunteered to have sex with SS officers to serve their country by having pure Aryan babies. My biggest regret in life was that I was born way too late to be a stellar recruit in the Hitler Youth and that I couldn’t be promoted into the SS. No women are volunteering to have sex with me, and it’s bullshit. Feminism has ruined America.”

Other Alt-Righters complained that women were increasingly getting involved in their interests, and ruining them.

“The idea that women should have equal access to men’s hobbies is outrageous,” insists Alt-Righter Thomas Mann, who writes bitchy articles on Alt-Right websites primarily about “cuckservatives” and how Melania Trump is the best First Lady in US history because the only other First Lady he compares her to is a racist, ignorant caricature of former First Lady Michelle Obama. “Women should not be allowed to play video games, write articles on the Internet, have full-time jobs, study math or any of the sciences in college, drive sports cars, be doctors, involve themselves in politics, or refuse sex with me. I’m 36 years old and still a virgin, and every time I try to talk to a woman she turns out to be some feminazi who won’t have sex with me after the first date, or agree to go on a second date, or return any of my messages no matter how threatening they get. Something’s wrong with women in 2017, and it’s fucking bullshit. This shit would never happen in Nazi Germany.”

One Alt-Righter, Jeremy Holmes, described his anger with women being generated by his female boss in a construction company.

“She’s such a bitch. She always says that I have an attitude and that I don’t work well with others, but maybe it’s because she’s a woman in an industry where she doesn’t belong. The company, and really the whole industry, used to be a men’s club, but bitches like her come along and ruin it. I keep getting passed over for promotions by the other guys that go along with her advice and ideas without getting pissed off about the screwed up gender roles, but they’re just sensitive pussies who don’t understand masculinity. They may have wives, and get regular sex, and do fun things nights after work and on the weekends, and have dynamic social ties to a bunch of different people no matter their sexual orientation or ethnicity, but it’s because they’ve practically given away their balls. They think men don’t have to be alpha males to earn respect from their peers, but that’s why they’re weak. It’s just total horse shit that they’re happier with their lives than I am with mine. I never get any sex, but it’s because women don’t respect or admire REAL men anymore. Feminism has totally ruined my gender.”


(Picture courtesy of Tove Paqualin.)

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