Shocking Birth Certificate Discovery Sheds New Light On Donald Trump’s Orangutan Ancestry

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St. Louis, MO—

The Halfway Post has sent an amazing, great guy down to Borneo in the South East Pacific to sift through biological records of President Donald Trump’s birth and early childhood, and the stuff our guy is uncovering of Trump’s genetic history is astounding.

It will really blow your mind. Some people are saying it will change everything.

We here at The Halfway Post hear from hundreds of people, no thousands, no all of the American people every day that they think Trump’s alleged “human” genetics are phony, or fishy, or suspicious. There’s just no way that guy is not an orangutan. And America wants answers.

But our guy down in Borneo has uncovered some really amazing things. Beautiful truths are being uncovered every day. Everywhere we go, we hear people talking about Trump’s fake birth certificate. The shadows are all wrong on images of the document, and it’s just a terrible, terrible, fake news hoax. And, meanwhile, Donald Trump quite physically appears to be a straight-up orangutan. But don’t take it from us. Take it from everyone who’s talking about it, all the time.

Our guy is the best guy down in Borneo, and what a beautiful, amazing place Borneo is. Just wonderful, and beautiful people. You know, a lot of people don’t know this, but the Borneo people want answers, too. You’re gonna love it, they’re gonna love it, everyone’s going to be loving it. You’re all going to thank us. You’re going to say “Wow, Halfway Post, thank you so much for finally telling us the truth.” We can’t wait for it.

So stay tuned. The evidence is beautiful, and so great, that Trump is an orangutan. Who would have believed it? Our President, an orangutan? This beautiful information is going to come out, and you’ll thank us. You’ll tell us you couldn’t believe how amazing the disclosures were. It’s going to be big. Trust us. We hope you enjoyed this bombshell new discovery as much we did.

(Picture courtesy of Matt Johnson.)

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