Shocking Birth Certificate Discovery Sheds New Light On Donald Trump’s Orangutan Ancestry

St. Louis, MO—

The Halfway Post has sent an amazing, great guy (you’d love him) down to Borneo in the South East Pacific to sift through biological records of President Donald Trump’s birth and early childhood, and the stuff our guy is uncovering is astounding.

It’ll really blow your mind. Some people are saying it will change everything.

We here at The Halfway Post hear from hundreds of people, no thousands, no all of the American people every day, that they think Trump’s alleged “Homo sapien” genetics are phony, fishy, and suspicious. They think there’s just no way he’s not an orangutan. And America wants answers.

So our guy down in Borneo is finding them! He’s uncovering some truly amazing things. Incredible truths are being discovered every day. The shadows are all wrong on the “official copies” of his birth certificate, the fonts don’t match each other, and it’s just a terrible, fake news hoax.

But don’t take it from us. Take it from everyone who’s talking about it, all the time.

Believe us. Our guy in Borneo is the best of the best. And what a beautiful, tremendous place Borneo is. Just wonderful. And beautiful people, too. Some of the best people of all time. You know, a lot of people don’t know this, but the Borneo people want answers, too. Maybe even more than Americans.

And the truth is getting out. An extremely credible source has been calling our office and saying the birth certificate is the biggest scam of all time. He’s an expert on birth certificates, maybe the top expert in the world, and he’s saying this is the craziest thing he has ever seen! And, meanwhile, Donald Trump quite literally appears to physically be a straight-up orangutan.

Trust us, the truth will be tremendous. You’re going to love it. You’re going to say, “Wow, Halfway Post, thank you so much for finally telling us the truth! We can’t believe it!”

So stay tuned. The evidence that Trump is no Homo sapien cannot be ignored any longer. It’s going to be so big. You won’t want to miss it. In two weeks!

More from The Halfway Post vault:

The 10 Dumbest Things Trump Has Said About COVID

Trump Staffers Built Him A Fake Twitter App To Distract Him From Inciting More Violence

Trump Wants His Voters To Kneel During The National Anthem To Protest His Loss

Trump Claims After January 20th He’ll Be Doing A Lot Of Reading, Praying, And Sports With Barron

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