Shocking Birth Certificate Discovery Sheds New Light On Donald Trump’s Orangutan Ancestry

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St. Louis, MO—

The Halfway Post has sent an amazing, great guy (you’d love him) down to Borneo in the South East Pacific to sift through biological records of President Donald Trump’s birth and early childhood, and the stuff our guy is uncovering is astounding.

It will really blow your mind. Some people are saying it will change everything.

We here at The Halfway Post hear from hundreds of people, no thousands, no all of the American people every day, that they think Trump’s alleged “Homo sapien” genetics are phony, fishy, and suspicious. There’s just no way he is not an orangutan. And America wants answers.

But our guy down in Borneo has uncovered some really amazing things. Beautiful truths are being discovered every day. Everywhere we go, we hear people talking about Trump’s fake birth certificate. The shadows are all wrong on images of the document, the fonts don’t match each other, and it’s just a terrible, fake news hoax. And, meanwhile, Donald Trump quite physically appears to be a straight-up orangutan.

But don’t take it from us. Take it from everyone who’s talking about it, all the time.

Believe us. Our guy down in Borneo is the best. And what a beautiful, tremendous place Borneo is. Just wonderful. And beautiful people, too. Some of the best people of all time. You know, a lot of people don’t know this, but the Borneo people want answers, too. Maybe even more than Americans. Trust us, the truth is going to be tremendous. You’re going to love it. You’re going to say “Wow, Halfway Post, thank you so much for finally telling us the truth! We can’t believe it!”

So stay tuned. The evidence that Trump is an orangutan cannot be ignored any longer. It’s going to be so big. You won’t want to miss it.

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

(Picture courtesy of Matt Johnson.)

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