Tomi Lahren Comes Out On Fox News, Says She Self-Identifies As A Baby Boomer

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New York, NY—

Tomi Lahren is famous for her firebrand schtick as a rare Millennial conservative, and there is no group of people she likes mocking more than her fellow Millennials, who she calls “snowflakes” because she detests her generation’s compassion for social justice.

Ms. Lahren immediately made viral news on Tuesday morning when she took to Fox New to renounce her identity as a Millennial altogether.

“I would like to share something with Fox News,” she said while participating as a guest commentator on a Fox & Friends segment. “I’ve known this for a long time, and it’s a secret I no longer want to keep to myself. I would like to announce that I have never felt that I was truly being myself as a Millennial, and that—if I’m being totally honest with myself—I self-identify as a conservative Baby Boomer. I’ve know this for a long time secretly, but only recently have I gotten better at accepting my real personal truth in order to publicly acknowledge it. All along I suspected I was really older than my real age, and various clues certainly made it pretty obvious: I mean, I’ve always felt ethnically threatened by strong, independent black people for some reason; I’m more pro-business than I am pro-women on issues like equal pay, sexual harassment in the workplace, and Donald Trump’s rape-accusers; and I hate how the Internet is radically changing the culture so that all-around assholes with various, undeserved societal privilege are starting to have to suffer the social consequences of their awful actions. That doesn’t sound very Millennial of me, does it? And it’s because deep down, I’m really just a Baby Boomer at heart. I wanted you all here at Fox & Friends to be the first ones I told, because you’re all kind of old, and your insults at Millennials have always made me feel right at home here in the Fox News studio building. Someday I hope to be a host on Fox and Friends myself. Thank you so much for your help and support in this crazy transitional moment in my life. Although, before I go, I would like to add that I would appreciate if everyone started calling me not by my Millennial-sounding name ‘Tomi,” but by the more Baby Boomer-sounding name ‘Carol.’ Thank you for your cooperation!”

So brave.

(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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