…It’s Obvious Conservatives Aren’t Praying Hard Enough To Stop Mass Shootings


St. Louis, MO—

Another big mass shooting happened. What a cliché.

Once again, conservative gun zealots have shielded themselves with pavlovian worship of the right to potentially rise up in armed-rebellion against the federal government, and refused to accept that individual mass shootings are indicative of a larger societal failing. Conservatives have been moved to pray for the assaulted city, and have played the liberals-are-disrespectful-to-the-victims-and-survivors card in response to passionate liberal pleas calling for America to start regulating guns like all the other industrialized nations in Western Europe.

But the problem is not that Conservatives haven’t picked a solution to gun violence—they have. They picked prayer. They’re always allegedly praying for America.

But they very evidently aren’t praying hard enough, are they? Have they truly committed themselves to convincing God to lay off a little with the mass murders? Conservatives are really letting America down by falling so piously short in their prayer game, aren’t they?

Every mass murder that occurs while the conservative movement neglects to responsibly legislate mass murder weapons shall henceforth reflect on conservatives’ prayer abilities. And it’s not like modern evangelicals are monastic in focus like Christians used to be in the single digit centuries. I suspect few conservatives actually spend all day and night praying for the end of mass shootings. They no doubt waste a lot of free time they could spend praying by watching TV and absorbing themselves in social media. Perhaps, conservatives merely throw in a mass shooting bit only once per brief, casual nightly prayer while they fall asleep.

Whatever conservatives’ routines in mass shooting-related prayers are, it is conspicuously not enough. They should probably begin praying night and day with as few breaks as homeostatically possible. They should, no doubt, quit all their social activities to pray more. Every second their prayers fail to bring about the end of this mass shooting era we find ourselves in is a second longer that God is enabled to murder more innocent people based on conservatism’s gun-political malpractice. Evangelicals better get on this!

But the prayers beg the Christian question of why would God alter his Grand Plan® just because conservatives asked him a lot? That doesn’t show any personal responsibility or moral growth on their part does it? Perhaps we might say that God purposefully allows mass shootings to happen because conservatives blatantly obstruct the sensible gun laws that liberals have proven in studies work. Maybe evangelicals should take a hint.

(Picture courtesy of  James Case.)

4 thoughts

  1. Does the writer think that the US will try to confiscate the 5 million modern sporting rifles that are currently in the hands of the civilian population? Why is the tool that is used in every other crime not the focus? Why are we blasting by the mental illness, xenophobia, racist issues and going right to the inanimate object that holds no intent? 168 dead in OK city bombing and we didn’t try and ban trucks or fertilizer. If you think that people without the access to weapons won’t find a way to inflict pain on others you know is a delusion, right?

    1. we’re doing both. it’d be immature to say that it isn’t the guns, though, as many conservatives seem to think. anyways, i think you seemed to miss the somewhat satirical point that this article conveys. the Christians aren’t praying enough! the conservatives think that they are, and that they problem lies elsewhere. no. we need to have prayer stations at every turn. we need to shoot everyone who refuses to do so. or.. we could actually get the point, and research gun reform and pursue mental health care. it’s pretty obvious that mental health is a problem in the US, with suicide being the end for almost 2% of people who die per year. they fight our wars, work shitty jobs, or can’t find a job, and conservatives have don’t nothing to stop it. the easiest thing that you can kill lots of people with cheaply is a gun. there are only two main differences between the US, which has a rate of shootings up there with the most awfully dangerous third-world countries, and almost all other countries, that are much safer in almost every way. these two things are guns, and mental health. universal health care gives them access to mental services, and guns aren’t nearly as common or tempting. anyways, the OKC bombing was a very rare incident, and doesn’t belong with this issue. we didn’t ban fertilizer because we don’t have one fucking bombing per month, like we have one fucking mass shooting per month with guns. a great solution to this problem is to make guns more difficult to get, and allowing people who bought guns but don’t care enough to keep up with specifications on gun control systems. otherwise, this problem will continue.

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