Nikki Haley And Mike Pence Are Talking Smack About Each Other To Trump To Be His 2020 VP

Washington D.C.

President Donald Trump has not yet publicly committed to keeping Vice President Mike Pence as his VP for the 2020 election, and Nikki Haley is reportedly Trump’s top choice for a replacement.

This has strained Haley’s formerly amicable relationship with Pence, and the two have reportedly been trash talking each other to Mr. Trump in secret.

Several White House aides have spoken to The Halfway Post about the long series of insults back and forth under condition of anonymity in order to candidly discuss internal matters.

“Pence has really gotten nasty since he’s realized his political future is on the line,” said an official who wished to be identified only as an executive White House aide. “He’s called Nikki Haley a ‘hussy,’ a ‘succubus,’ and a ‘political prostitute’ to Trump behind her back. They don’t talk to each other anymore, but one of the last texts he sent her told her to back off because God wanted him to be Vice President. He then said that, because she had converted to Christianity from her parents’ Indian Sikh faith, Jesus would never love her as much as Jesus loved him.”

Mrs. Haley returned the venom.

“I would not want to be on the receiving end of Nikki’s ire,” explained an aide in Pence’s VP staff. “She mailed our office a gift basket filled with hardcore gay smut VHS tapes, and for some reason Pence was adamant he had to watch them all in his office because he thought she must have recorded cryptic messages somewhere in them. He said he had to watch every minute in order to be sure they wouldn’t miss some valuable clue of her intentions regarding stealing the VP position from him. Then she wrote a long letter to Trump we saw that detailed how Pence wasn’t 100% defending him from the impeachment investigations, and that Pence couldn’t be a committed VP because his wife hates Trump so much for his disgusting Hollywood Access comments on gleefully sexually assaulting married women. Mike had to do some damage control, so we helped him set up a meeting with the President so he could try out some dirty ‘locker room talk’ we taught him in order to impress Trump and connect man-to-man. Unfortunately, Pence was very awkward about it, and we had to spend a lot of time teaching him basic aspects of female anatomy so he could understand some of the dirty words we taught him. We had to explain what the G-spot was because he had no idea women could have climaxes, and we even had to explain the concept of lesbians. He thought only men could be gay. But the meeting did not go well because as soon as the President asked Mike how he’d rate Ivanka’s body on a scale of one to ten, Mike had to leave the room. He pretended to get a phone call and ran home all the way to his wife to apologize. He just couldn’t pretend to be a sick pervert like the President.”

With the election getting closer and closer, however, the White House staff see the Haley-Pence feud only getting worse from here.

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(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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