Mitch McConnell Admits He’d Do Exactly What Pelosi Has Done With Impeachment

Washington D.C.—

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell admitted in a press conference today that if he were in Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s shoes, he would also hold onto the articles of impeachment indefinitely.

“I have to hand it to Speaker Pelosi,” McConnell told Fox News’ Chris Wallace, “If I were her, I’d be doing the exact same thing. I sat on Obama’s Supreme Court nominee for over a year, remember that? That was hilarious. I’m a real piece of shit, aren’t I? You know, everyone calls me a turtle, but my spirit animal is really much more similar to a honey badger. I’ll fuck up anything and everything that obstructs me in getting what I want. I’ll tear the Constitution to pieces if it gets in my way! There is no norm, or rule, or precedent I won’t squash to acquire more power. Power is the only thing I care about. I will fuck the Constitution until my penis is ravaged with paper cuts or it’s so coated in my ejaculate that you can break the paper it’s print on in half, whichever comes first! I will make any book of law my cum rag!”

Chris Wallace then cut to a commercial break.

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