The Halfway Post attended a recent Second Amendment rally outside the state capitol building in Richmond, and interviewed several protesters campaigning against moderate gun control reform.
“Jesus would never stand for this infringement on one of our most sacred rights as American citizens,” explained protester Jim Staker, 29, while showing off the various knives and pistols he had brought to the rally. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally thankful that Jesus died for our sins on the cross, but He wouldn’t have had to be crucified if the Second Amendment had been invented back then. He could have taken out Pontius Pilate from 2,000 meters away with a sniper rifle, or fought off an entire Roman army with an assault rifle in each hand and dozens of clips of ammo. I believe Jesus only said ‘turn the other cheek’ because, at the time, he didn’t have superior fire power. If he were alive today, Jesus would say ‘turn the safety’ and mow down God’s enemies with bullets he’d multiply like how he turned a loaf of bread into a feast for hundreds of people.”
Other protesters argued that they were the ones being threatened, not the Virginia state legislature inside the capitol during their rally.
“My rights are being infringed, and the Second Amendment is the only thing that keeps me safe!” yelled Tim Larkin, 46. “America is under assault by secularists, social justice warriors, Muslims, and the gays, and I need my three AR-15s to defend my family! The libtard feminists are trying to turn my wife lesbian by claiming that women are capable of having orgasms. That’s a bald lie! Some women just can’t. My wife has never had one! And the Black Lives Matter terrorists are trying to turn her black! I don’t want to be forced into having a biracial marriage, and I’ll be cold and in the ground before they convert my white wife into an African-American!”
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!
(Picture courtesy of Finonacci Blue.)
Hes complaining about biracial couples he might have black ancestors he doesnt know about