The Halfway Post attended a recent 2nd Amendment rally outside the state capitol building in Richmond, VA, and interviewed several protesters campaigning against moderate gun control reform.
“Jesus would never stand for this infringement on one of our most sacred rights as American citizens,” explained protester Arnold Baker, 29, while showing off the various knives and pistols he had brought to the rally. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally thankful that Jesus died for our sins on the cross, but he wouldn’t have had to be crucified if the Second Amendment had been invented back then. He could have taken out Pontius Pilate from 2,000 meters away with a sniper rifle, or fought off an entire Roman army with assault rifles. Jesus only said ‘turn the other cheek’ because, at the time, he didn’t have superior fire power. If he were alive today, Jesus would say ‘turn the safety’ and mow down God’s enemies with bullets he’d multiply like how he turned a loaf of bread into a feast for hundreds of people.”
Other protesters argued that they were the ones being threatened, not the Virginia state legislature inside the capitol during their rally.
“My rights are being infringed, and the 2nd Amendment is the only thing that keeps me safe!” yelled Tim Larkin, 46. “America is under assault by secularists, social justice warriors, Muslims, and the gays, and I need my three AR-15s to defend my family! The lib-tards are trying to turn my wife lesbian by claiming that women are capable of having orgasms. And the Black Lives Matter terrorists are trying to turn her black! I don’t want to be forced into having a biracial marriage, and I’ll be cold and in the ground before they convert my white wife into an African-American!”
Unfortunately, the rally suffered from a host of incidents in which gun rights advocates accidentally shot themselves with their guns. Seventeen rally participants had accidental discharges from their firearms into their hands, legs and feet while failing to keep their loaded weapons’ safeties on.
Also, six homicides were reported from participants accidentally bumping into each other and then frightfully shooting their weapons in alleged acts of self-defense while “fearing for their lives.”