Nikki Haley Taunts Mike Pence: “If You Screw Up Coronavirus, I’m The 2020 VP!”

Washington D.C.—

According to sources, Nikki Haley has been taunting Vice President Mike Pence with claims that President Donald Trump will replace him with her if he screws up the effort to contain the coronavirus.

A source requesting anonymity provided The Halfway Post with an exclusive audio recording of Mrs. Haley talking to her former UN Ambassador aides about her intentions to supplant Pence on the 2020 ticket.

“Pence getting named the Coronavirus Czar is the best news of my political career!” exclaims Haley on the recording. “Of course he’s going to screw it up because Trump has no emergency heath crisis team and no sense of responsibility to cut into his ‘executive time’ or golf outings to figure it out. And decisive action against the coronavirus should have been taken weeks ago. It’s way too late to stop it from being a full pandemic in the US. Trump finally realizes this, and that’s why he’s setting Pence up to fail so he can blame everything on him and tell the American people the only reason his reaction to a health emergency wasn’t better than Obama’s Ebola response is because of coffee boy Pence. Classic Trump move. And Mike is in way over his head. That hoosier doesn’t know anything about viruses or microbiology! Like a lot of conservatives, I SAY I don’t believe in evolution to get the votes of those pavlovian-brained dupes, but I’m not an idiot! Obviously evolution is why illnesses mutate from year to year, and why we need a new flu shot every year, and why the coronavirus needs an entirely new vaccine. Pence literally said in a cabinet meeting the other day that people should not wash their hands because washing your hands will get rid of all the germs Jesus wanted to be on your hand. He said God’s plan shouldn’t be interrupted, and then Mike said that he went out of his way to lick door handles in public places to get all the germs he felt God was calling him to get into his system… I’m so going to be VP. It’s going to be amazing. I just hope there isn’t another health crisis for Trump to screw up and make me be a fall guy for it. That would suck. Actually, do I even want to be VP for this idiot sociopath President? Do I want to have to cover for him in public and pretend I’m an idiot to ignore or defend all the outrageous and patently absurd things he says on a daily basis? It’s not like I’ll be able to change him at all. Trump is 73…he’s never going to change his outlook on life and start being a good person, reader, leader, or president at this point. Eh, whatever. I want to be VP and have power so I guess it’s worth it. Besides, with Trump’s weight, diet and mental condition there’s a strong chance I could become President myself before the end of a second Trump term. So don’t screw up, Pence! Or I’m going to be the next VP! Hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahaha!”

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