President Donald Trump today took to Twitter to discuss the recent controversy following his claim that snorting Adderall was a cure for COVID-19.
The following are Mr. Trump’s tweets:
“The Fake News is reporting that I was serious about injecting lysol into your veins to cure COVID-19, and serious about huffing Clorox fumes to clean out your lungs. I was only saying that sarcastically! I was saying it as if I were an idiot who didn’t know anything about medicine or biology!”
“I was also being sarcastic about snorting Adderall. I definitely never snorted it on the set of The Apprentice, so I wouldn’t know! And, also, I’m not an idiot. My uncle went to MIT, which means I practically did, too! So I only went into incredibly precise and specific detail about which cleaning products to put into your body out of sarcasm!”
“My supporters love me because I always say what I mean, but they also understand that I don’t mean what I say. Everything I say is dependent on the reaction I get. So if the things I say come across as terrible, idiotic, or racist then I was only kidding or being sarcastic.”
“Remember: if what I say sounds wildly idiotic, then it’s Fake News I said it. If there’s video, then I didn’t mean it. If I did mean it, you misunderstood it. If it’s pretty obvious what I meant, then it was all a sarcastic joke and YOU’RE the idiot!”
“So lysol in your veins and lungs was just a sarcastic joke. But I have heard a great idea that taking a funnel to pour Drano into your colon totally destroys any coronavirus in your body. People are saying. But if anyone dies from it, this was a sarcastic joke. If it actually works, what can I say? I’m an MIT genius!”
More from The Halfway Post vault:
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!