Trump Says It Was “Sarcasm” When He Said Everyone Should Snort Adderall

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump today took to Twitter to discuss the recent controversy following his claim that snorting Adderall was a cure for COVID-19.

The following are Mr. Trump’s tweets:

“The Fake News is reporting that I was serious about injecting lysol into your veins to cure COVID-19, and serious about huffing Clorox fumes to clean out your lungs. I was only saying that sarcastically! I was saying it as if I were an idiot who didn’t know anything about medicine or biology!”

“I was also being sarcastic about snorting Adderall. I definitely never snorted it on the set of The Apprentice, so I wouldn’t know! And, also, I’m not an idiot. My uncle went to MIT, which means I practically did, too! So I only went into incredibly precise and specific detail about which cleaning products to put into your body out of sarcasm!”

“My supporters love me because I always say what I mean, but they also understand that I don’t mean what I say. Everything I say is dependent on the reaction I get. So if the things I say come across as terrible, idiotic, or racist then I was only kidding or being sarcastic.”

“Remember: if what I say sounds wildly idiotic, then it’s Fake News I said it. If there’s video, then I didn’t mean it. If I did mean it, you misunderstood it. If it’s pretty obvious what I meant, then it was all a sarcastic joke and YOU’RE the idiot!”

“So lysol in your veins and lungs was just a sarcastic joke. But I have heard a great idea that taking a funnel to pour Drano into your colon totally destroys any coronavirus in your body. People are saying. But if anyone dies from it, this was a sarcastic joke. If it actually works, what can I say? I’m an MIT genius!”

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