The GOP Is Worried Trump Will Kill All Their Voters With Fake COVID Cures

Washington D.C.—

According to several Republican officials who spoke to The Halfway Post on the condition of anonymity, the Republican National Committee is terrified that President Donald Trump is going to kill a lot of their voters with his fake coronavirus cure schemes he’s touting at the podium during his press conferences.

“It’s terrifying for all of us,” explained an RNC staffer. “Democrats know he’s an idiot and aren’t going to take medical advice from the President, but a lot of our conservative voters are a little less developed in the critical thinking department. It works wonders for us when we get them in a frenzy every two and four years during elections by telling them Democrats are going to take everyone’s guns, restart slavery but for whites, and convert America to Sharia Law, but this time it’s backfiring on us! If enough Republican voters try Trump’s batshit crazy cures like drinking Lysol or injecting it into their veins, we could lose 2020 by a landslide!”

Other RNC officials were worried about the swing states.

“Look, we only won Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania by like 10,000 votes each. It’s bad enough Trump’s incompetent actions have led to a much worse spread of coronavirus in the US than any other developed country. The solid core of our voting base comes from elderly people, who typically skew a little more conservative, and they’re dying early from COVID complications of their existing medical problems. It’s affecting us way worse than the Democrats, whose voting base skews much younger. But Trump getting his most committed supporters to actively start chugging disinfectant cleaning products is a total unforced error! We need those votes! The Democrats are looking poised to have a very strong showing of support in the suburbs due to powerful anger in backlash to Trump’s policies, racism, and instability, and we need every voter we can get! We can’t be telling our Republican voters to go huff Lysol fumes to kill the coronavirus!”

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