Trump: “If I Lose Reelection, I’ll Be The World’s Worst Sport About It!”

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump apparently threatened the United States today on Twitter, claiming that, if he lost reelection this November, he would be the “world’s worst sport” about it.

The following are Mr. Trump’s tweets:

“I better not be blamed for all this coronavirus mess. If voters say it’s my fault, I’m going to freak! It’s Jared’s fault, I trusted him to be a genius kid boy wonder, but he’s turning out to be a total idiot just everyone else in my administration! It’s not my fault everyone I appoint to jobs is so terrible.”

“I can’t do every job in my Administration myself, though I would have handled coronavirus perfectly if there were 20 of me. So independent voters better not vote against me in November! If I lose, I’m going to be the world’s worst sport about it! Seriously, I will make everyone’s lives a Hell!”

“There’s 3 months between the election and the inauguration of the next President… that’s a lot of time to do a lot of things… So if I’m not reelected, and I have 3 months to stew and build up vengeful rage before I’m evicted from the White House, even I don’t know what I’d do…”

“…Nuke a country? Maybe! Arrest Hillary Clinton and waterboard her? Probably! Declare war on Denmark and take Greenland by force? Why not?! I will literally be the biggest baby about losing America has ever seen! So America better reelect me… or else!”

“This is not a threat… it’s a promise! If I go down, I’m bringing America and the world down with me! So vote for me or I will make every human being on Earth regret the fact that I was not reelected by a landslide even bigger than 2016! I want a Putin-esque election where I get above 90% of the vote! Are you listening, Republican states?”

“How about GOP governors disenfranchise more minority voters? Close as many polling stations in cities as you can! Make it so that the only voting ID accepted is an NRA membership card! End mail-in voting! End women voting! Do what it takes to make me win, or I will scream!”

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