Trump Threatened To Sue Everyone Who Got Infected For Defamation

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump today threatened on Twitter to sue everyone who has been infected with the coronavirus.

Mr. Trump published the threat in the following Twitter thread:

“The number of coronavirus cases is way too high! I bet the Democrats are paying people to spread COVID around! Their corrupt scheme wouldn’t work if we stopped testing. The number of cases we have seems to suspiciously follow the number of tests we do… They’re rigging the tests against me!”

“The Democrats know I’ll lose the election if people blame me, so, starting tomorrow, I’m going to sue everyone who gets infected for defamation! And I’ll submit lawsuits against all the families of everyone who dies! Can you believe how far Democrats will go to make me look bad? They know that before this coronavirus happened I was going to win reelection with 90% of the vote!”

“No President has ever been treated worse than me! Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy all had it so easy compared to me! I’d literally kill to have it so easy as them! And the Fake News is going along with it. It’s bad enough the tests are raising the number of cases, but the Fake News are reporting it!”

“If we didn’t do any testing for COVID, and the media didn’t do any reporting on it, our cases would be zero! ZERO! It’s not my fault America has gotten the pandemic worse than any other country, it’s the fault of all our doctors, nurses, scientists, reporters, and journalists who talked about it to the media!”

“So everyone deserves to be sued! And then, for once, the country will start giving me the credit and adoration I deserve, or else! I’m going to be so pissed if America blames me in the election and Sleepy Joe wins! If I lose, I’m going to sue everyone in America for $5 billion each!”

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