Eric Trump Is Crushed To Learn His Dad Didn’t Watch His RNC Speech

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

Washington D.C.—

Eric Trump delivered a fiery speech for his dad at the Republican National Convention, but was reportedly crushed later that night to find out his father hadn’t watched it.

“Eric was so excited for his dad to watch him that he stayed up all night for weeks editing his speech, rehearsing it over and over in front of a mirror, and asking around for advice,” explained a Trump Organization executive, who requested anonymity to discuss Eric’s private feelings. “Eric kept telling us that this speech would finally get his father to say that he loves him, and that he respects him. Naturally, everyone at the Trump Organization was really pulling for him, you know? Eric is kind of the runt of the family, and you want to see him kind of step out of the shadow of his dad and older brother, and succeed on his own, you know? He tries so hard to impress his dad, who has been a total dick to him his whole life, and anyone would cheer for an underdog, right? So Eric invited a bunch of us Trump Organization executives to come to DC and see him deliver it in person, and, as soon as Eric got off the stage, he called up his dad to find out what the President thought. He put it on speaker phone as the call was ringing, and started fist pumping because he said we were all going to hear his dad finally admit he loves him.”

But things turned awkward fast.

“So Donald Trump answers the call, and asks ‘Who is this?’ Eric kind of laughed, and said, ‘It’s me, Dad, Eric.’ And then Donald Trump said ‘Oh,’ and mentioned that he had just gotten a new phone a few months ago and some of the contacts hadn’t transferred correctly. Eric laughed lightly, and then said, “So, Dad, what did you think?’ There was a long pause on the phone before the President asked ‘About what?’ Eric’s eyes got real wide, and then the President said ‘Oh, crap, did I miss another one of your ball games, sport? I just get so busy here at the office, you know?’ Everyone got real quiet, and you could just see Eric’s soul drain from his face. Then Eric reminded him of his speech, and Trump said that it totally slipped his mind. Everyone around Eric kind of started shuffling their feet, we all felt so bad for him, you know? And we could see the tears start welling up in his eyes, but Eric put on a brave face. He said, ‘I worked really hard on my speech for you, Dad.’ There was another pause, and then the President asked Eric if he had seen Tiffany’s speech. The President said that Tiffany really surprised him with the content and delivery of her speech, and that he was so proud of her. At this point the dam broke for Eric, and tears just started streaming down his face. Then his dad said, ‘And who knew Tiffany had filled out so well in her legs and chest, maybe if I weren’t their dad I’d be dating Tiffany instead of Ivanka!’ Then Eric hung up and ran out of the room. Yikes.”

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