Eric Trump Hopes His Dad’s Dementia Will Lead To Him Saying “I Love You” Just Once

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

New York City, NY—

Eric Trump agreed to a brief phone interview with The Halfway Post, and the President’s son revealed quite a bit of depth. The following is a transcript of the discussion:

THP: Hey, Eric, would you like to comment on your dad?

Eric: To be honest, I’m a little upset with him right now.

THP: What happened?

Eric: Well, he said he was going to watch my RNC speech live, but he never showed up. He still hasn’t even seen a video of it. How typical of my father to not keep a promise. I hope his dementia keeps getting worse, then maybe he’ll turn into a nice person instead of a total d***. It’s not like dementia could possibly turn him into a WORSE father, you know?

THP: Your father has dementia?

Eric: Oh, crap, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Well, you know what? My father probably should have watched my speech like he said he would! He deserves this. So, yes, my father has dementia, and it’s getting pretty bad. The only thing he remembers is his campaign slogans, and he roams around the White House yelling them out randomly. He’ll be sitting at his desk in the Oval Office eating a bowl of ice cream like he loves, and out of nowhere just yell out “The wall just got ten feet higher!” But it’s kind of funny because my dad is forgetting Ivanka’s face, and can’t remember that she’s his daughter so he’s getting really handsy with her. It’s hilarious. She’ll yell out “Dad, I’m married, we can’t do that stuff anymore,” and my dad will say, “It’s okay, you sign this nondisclosure agreement and I’ll pay him $130,000!” It’s like he only remembers the things he used to say and do the most throughout his life, you know? Unfortunately, though, that means he still calls me “retard” all the time. He remembers that one very clearly. Also, sometimes he calls me the N-word, but I just have to remember that he’s losing his mind. To be honest, though, I’m kind of glad he’s got dementia, because in many ways it’s like I’m getting a new dad all of a sudden. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll forget that he regrets my ever being born. Maybe someday he’ll even tell me that he loves me. That would be so nice. It would really mean a lot to me to hear that just one time before he dies, you know?”

From The Halfway Post vault:

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