Trump Agrees To Mail-In Voting If Everyone Writes Either “Dem” or “Rep” On Back Of Their Envelope

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump has finally consented to Congress allocating federal money to bolster mail-in voting initiatives. He specified one condition, though, in a Twitter thread this morning:

“Okay, I’ll let Democrats get their mail-in voting! But on one condition: voters have to write whether they’re voting for me or Biden by writing DEM or REP on the back of their envelopes! This is so Louis DeJoy can make sure the post office does a great job getting these mail-in ballots counted!”

“We are devising a state of the art mailing system in which the mail-in ballots will be separated accorded to party, but I promise on a Bible or any other book you want to give me that all the ballots will be counted fairly! No one loves free and fair elections more than me!”

“The Democrats will claim this is an attempt by me to collect all the Democratic ballots separately and then destroy them, or slow them down enough that they don’t get counted, but that is total fake news! I love Democratic votes, believe me, and no one would hate more than me for Biden votes not to get counted!”

From The Halfway Post vault:

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/08/30/the-skeleton-of-former-postmaster-general-ben-franklin-wants-to-skullf-louis-dejoy/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/08/15/trump-just-realized-slowing-down-the-mail-will-delay-his-adderall-deliveries/

https://atomic-temporary-129578498.wpcomstaging.com/2020/08/13/louis-dejoy-directs-usps-workers-to-eat-mail-in-ballots-from-liberal-zip-codes/

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