Ted Cruz, To Prove His Loyalty To Donald Trump, Admits His Wife Is Ugly

Washington D.C.—

Senator Ted Cruz was widely mocked this morning for sucking up to President Donald Trump in the most opportunistic way imaginable: admitting Trump was right when he called Heidi Cruz, his wife, ugly.

Cruz displayed his loyalty to the President in the following Twitter thread:

“I am fully endorsing President Donald Trump to defeat Joe Biden and the socialist Democrats. I know I’ve said some mean things about him in the past, but that was when we were caught up in the heat of the campaign. I lost, and President Trump is clearly a better, more virile man.”

“And I’m glad I lost because President Trump is the best president ever. He’s so honest. He never lies. In fact, he was telling the truth when he called my wife ugly. My wife is ugly! She’s way uglier than Melania Trump! I know I attacked Trump for saying it, but I was just upset about how right he was!”

“President Trump was also right about everything else he said about me and my family. I DO bend my head down and take big whiffs when I fart! The underside of my office’s desk IS covered with boogers. My wife DOES scream out Donald’s name during intimacy, though Donald would of course never be with her—she’s way too ugly for him!”

“So I’d like to thank President Donald Trump for always telling the truth! I hope his MAGA supporters are hearing me say this! I hope they’ll remember my loyalty to the President in 2024!”

From The Halfway Post vault:

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