New York City, NY—
Eric Trump published some fascinating tweets this morning attempting to defend his father, President Donald Trump, from critics:
“My father is the greatest president we’ve had since Ben Franklin whether libtards will admit it or not. Democrats just can’t handle my father’s successes, and it looks like they’ve brainwashed a majority of Americans to not reelect him. It’s like my dad has given America an STD and they’re sore about it!”
“Syndrome of Trump Derangement is everywhere in the blue states, and it looks like we’re in danger of it being contagious and spreading if we Republicans don’t practice safe campaigning! I told my dad he should try out abstinence from tweeting so he doesn’t make his polls worse, but he says he can’t control his bodily urges to tweet!”
“I told him to wrap his phone up with rubber or something to prevent him from tweeting too much, but he says it doesn’t feel as good being President if he can’t tweet raw! That’s my dad for you! I told him to at least make sure his hands were well-lubricated so he doesn’t get a blister on his fingers and embarrass himself misspelling words. I want him to KNOCK UP his poll numbers, not knock them down further!”
“Because the polls don’t look so good right now, quite frankly. But these last few weeks of campaigning will be like a dose of penicillin or some other antibiotics to clean my dad’s STD mess right up! America will forgive him and reelect him! My dad will give Hidin’ Biden his STD so hard it’ll burn and itch!”
“So as long as my dad stays focused these last days, we’ll be able to shoot a MAGA shot right into the Biden campaign’s eyes and blind them with our throbbing campaign! Otherwise my dad will tweet some crazy stuff, sink his poll numbers further, and our campaign will go totally flaccid!”
From The Halfway Post vault:
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