Washington D.C.—
President Donald Trump was caught on a secret recording disparaging his job and the ceremonial role of being POTUS at his Mar-a-Lago resort last night when an attendee sitting at a table adjacent to the President’s table recorded Mr. Trump’s remarks with a cell phone.
The following transcription of Trump’s words is from the recording shared with The Halfway Post this morning:
“…I’d much rather be golfing every day. The White House is like a prison, and my punishment is to have to read. They want me to read all the time. They’re always bringing me documents. And it’s all words, no pictures. I tell them I’m not in school anymore. I say ‘100 words or less,’ or don’t bring it. And they’re such long words, like ‘nuclear nonproliferation.’ Who cares? They won’t even let me use the nukes anyway. That’s another thing I hate, all these rules. A lot of people don’t know this, but you can’t just nuke Denmark. Although that b**** prime minister there deserves it. They wouldn’t let me invade Greenland either. I don’t want to be the only president who doesn’t get to invade a country. And I want Greenland. I’d rename it Trumpland. Wouldn’t that be something? If I had the biggest state? I ask why we can’t invade Denmark and steal it, and they give me a big stack of papers on international treaties. Way more than 100 words. It’s unbelievable. They want me to do nothing but read. And it’s really such a waste of time to do all the stuff they try to put on my schedule. All the meetings, and talks, and the video meetings. I can barely golf. I’d rather golf every day than be president. Or bond with Don Jr. and Eric. Ha! That one’s a tough decision. Almost nothing is worse than being around those morons, but being President might be! I wish I could have had three Ivankas. Wouldn’t that be hot? But maybe leaving the White House in January isn’t the worst thing. It’ll actually kind of be a relief. They always want me to do these dumb events. War memorials and whatever. Who cares? No one even remembers who fought in WW2. We beat the British, got Texas, yadda, yadda, yadda. It was, like, 200 years ago, can’t we just let it go already? And the memorials are always outside. And they don’t let me take golf carts. I tell them no stairs, but they’re all idiots, and there are always stairs. I think they just lie to me. I think they lie about a lot. Some of these countries they want to brief me on sound so fake. Uzbekistan? That’s not a real country. Half the countries they tell me about I’ve never heard of! And the worst part is they get all upset when I’m trying to do deals. They get bent out of shape when I don’t let them listen in on my conversations. But I know the moment they hear how much money I’m going to make they’re going to leak it to the media. It’s unbelievable how much gets leaked. And they’re always telling me ‘no’ when I’m about to make a fortune in some country. I was going to get my name on the tallest tower in Moscow until they told me I couldn’t pull us out of NATO. Why? Who the f*** cares about NATO? I don’t even know what NATO is, so how important can it be? So maybe Sleepy Joe cheating and stealing the election won’t be such a bad thing. We’ll see. Well, I’m gonna go get another Diet Coke and say hello to another table, thanks for coming, everyone. Oh, and if you haven’t heard, I’m selling pardons. Text Jared on WhatsApp and he’ll tell you where to send the money. Have a great night.”
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I can just envision the 45 story (in honor of his Residency) Trumpland Casino and Subarctic Hotel in the country formerly known as Greenland.
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