Washington D.C.—
Recent document leaks from President Donald Trump’s finances and tax returns have revealed deep debts and money-losing real estate properties, so Mr. Trump is desperately trying to think up creative ways to pay off his various debts.
Trump’s latest scheme is a brand new “Platinum” level of club membership at his Mar-a-Lago resort, which is reportedly advertising complimentary pardons as a sign-up bonus.
The following is a copy of an advertising offer mailed to current and prospective Mar-a-Lago members:
BRAND NEW MAR-A-LAGO MEMBERSHIP OPTION!!!
Time is running out, but if you sign up for the all new 2021 Platinum-level membership before noon on January 20th, you’ll receive a Presidential Pardon from Donald J. Trump himself FREE!
Some criminal exclusions apply, but Platinum members’ previous run-ins with the law will be pardoned away for the low, low price of $250,000 to become a Platinum Mar-a-Lago PATRIOT!
So sign up now! Before you know it, the Trump presidency will be over, and you DO NOT want to miss your opportunity to have past criminal misdeeds expunged!
Pardons are transferrable as well, so if you’re squeaky clean, you can transfer your complimentary Platinum-level pardon to a more sketchy family member or friend! And there’s NO LIMIT to how many you can buy! This Christmas get pardons (and Mar-a-Lago memberships) for everyone on your list!
And if you’re interested in bulk purchases, our deal gets even sweeter! If you buy TWO Platinum memberships, we’ll throw in a THIRD pardon for ABSOLUTELY FREE! Christmas just got a whole lot more innocent!
So buy today because time is running out!
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