Mar-A-Lago 2021 “Platinum Club Memberships” Now Come With A Free Pardon

Washington D.C.—

Recent document leaks from President Donald Trump’s finances and tax returns have revealed deep debts and money-losing real estate properties, so Mr. Trump is desperately trying to think up creative ways to pay off his various debts.

Trump’s latest scheme is a brand new “Platinum” level of club membership at his Mar-a-Lago resort, which is reportedly advertising complimentary pardons as a sign-up bonus.

The following is a copy of an advertising offer mailed to current and prospective Mar-a-Lago members:


Time is running out, but if you sign up for the all new 2021 Platinum-level membership before noon on January 20th, you’ll receive a Presidential Pardon from Donald J. Trump himself FREE!

Some criminal exclusions apply, but Platinum members’ previous run-ins with the law will be pardoned away for the low, low price of $250,000 to become a Platinum Mar-a-Lago PATRIOT!

So sign up now! Before you know it, the Trump presidency will be over, and you DO NOT want to miss your opportunity to have past criminal misdeeds expunged!

Pardons are transferrable as well, so if you’re squeaky clean, you can transfer your complimentary Platinum-level pardon to a more sketchy family member or friend! And there’s NO LIMIT to how many you can buy! This Christmas get pardons (and Mar-a-Lago memberships) for everyone on your list!

And if you’re interested in bulk purchases, our deal gets even sweeter! If you buy TWO Platinum memberships, we’ll throw in a THIRD pardon for ABSOLUTELY FREE! Christmas just got a whole lot more innocent!

So buy today because time is running out!

More from The Halfway Post vault:

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s