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- Trad wife influencers reportedly keep getting dysentery, and the new viral cure among trad lifestyle fans is to use leeches to “purify their blood” while listening to RFK Jr. podcast interviews.
- The prediction markets currently have Kash Patel at a 75% chance of suffering in a suspicious “Russia-style freak accident” after Trump inevitably fires him from the FBI.
- Trump reportedly thinks if he fires all the women in his administration the men in his cabinet and top agency roles will finally be able to lower inflation and solve the Iran crisis.
- During one of Trump’s videos where he’s reading from the Bible, the White House reportedly got struck by lightning and the power went out for a few seconds until the backup generators kicked on.
- RFK Jr. has reportedly been infected by so many viruses, diseases, and bacterial infections over the decades of touching and eating roadkill that his doctors are reportedly trying to convince him to let them autopsy his body when he dies for medical research because his worm-and-virus-infested body is a “treasure trove of parasite-related effects on human anatomy it would be unethical to test or experiment for any other way.”
- A new poll found that the percent of Americans who approve of the Pope excommunicating JD Vance from the Catholic Church has grown to 65% thanks to proliferating memes about Trump’s feud with the Pope.
- It reportedly took Trump three hours to film his latest Bible reading video because he kept trying to find the chapters where Jesus defeats Medusa, the Minotaur, and the Cyclops and insisted those were the only Bible stories he wanted to read from.
- After Trump has fired dozens of top military officials to finally find incompetent sycophants and conspiracy theorists loyal with delusions of Christofascist grandeur, top Republicans are reportedly worried Trump is about to enter the “Nero phase” of his presidency.
- A White House staffer says the top military generals have to soothe and sweet talk Trump out of tantrums like a toddler holding a loaded gun to convince him not to commit war crimes.
- Trump’s media diet is reportedly now made up of 90% AI slop videos from obvious foreign accounts based in Russia, Israel, and China.
- Kash Patel has reportedly been telling friends he’s both relieved and surprised he didn’t get fired yet this week.
- A major shift in fringe politics is occurring with conspiracy theorists switching affiliation to the Democrats after decades of GOP support due to Trump brazenly covering up the Epstein Files, his attempted assassination, the Iran War costs, and the economic damage from tariffs. One administrator of a major online conspiracy group said recently, “I’m afraid the biggest conspiracy all along was that Republicans actually cared about the debt, crime, fraud, and an ‘America First’ agenda.”
- Barron Trump is reportedly getting nervous after a US soldier got arrested for winning $400,000 on a bet about Nicolás Maduro’s capture because his father’s approval ratings are in the toilet and Democrats are likely to take back at least one chamber of Congress, and that kind of betting with insider trading sounds exactly like how he’s making all his money.
- A town in Idaho is hosting a “MAGA bonfire” tonight to burn all their Trump-branded clothes and flags after organizers said, “Trump’s UAE bailout plan to pay for the damage the retaliatory strikes his dumb Iran War caused is the final nail in the MAGA coffin.”
- Top GOP officials are reportedly alarmed about polls showing solid red farm states are turning purple and even blue from Trump’s tariffs and Iran War wrecking farmers’ export markets, exploding the cost of fertilizer and farm equipment, and requiring annual bailouts.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 