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- Cattle ranchers in NE, IA, and TX are delivering “homemade cow pies” to their GOP members of Congress with notes pledging to vote for Democrats because Republicans have done nothing to stop Trump wrecking the US beef market with tariffs and bailing out Argentinian beef.
- A viral new TikTok trend has thousands of Gen Z women pledging to vote and declaring, “This November we abort Project 2025.”
- Mike Johnson is reportedly asking journalists to give him “at least a week” after the midterms before they ask him anything about Trump’s attempts to declare martial law and steal ballots because it’ll take him several days to hear about the news and look into it.
- A hockey team is planning to pay Kash Patel’s girlfriend to sing the US anthem at their game the day before the midterms so Patel will attend, be invited to the locker room after-party, and the team can ensure he gets too drunk to help Trump rig the voting the next day.
- Jared Kushner is reportedly confident he can end the wars in Iran and Ukraine if he just gets a few more billion dollar deals to develop resorts on stolen land in Gaza, start up his Albanian island Epstein operation, and launch a Russian mining company in the Donbas.
- Donald Trump Jr. reportedly thinks it’s “unimportant” for the media to investigate all the foreigners his Russian sugar daddy brought to the wedding he paid for.
- Trump is reportedly beginning to worry he appointed such submissive, subservient cabinet members and staff that they might not be telling the truth about how the economy has never been better, his approval rating is 95%, and Iran is days away from surrendering.
- Ivanka Trump prefers everyone describe her and Jared’s wealth as “job-creating, freedom investments for America” instead of “laundered, treasonously influence-peddled blood money from dictators that exploits Gazans, prolongs the Ukraine War, and steals Albanian land.”
- Trump is reportedly getting pissed at how many staffers are resigning one month before the midterms because they don’t want their names associated forever with the biggest election rigging scheme in US history.
- Focus groups are reportedly finding that Trump’s Iran War, inflation inaction, skyrocketing gas prices, surging budget deficits, and obsession with monuments and tax dollar spending for personal self-aggrandizement have finally woken up conservative voters to the reality that the Republican Party has been lying to them for decades and do not care about anyone who isn’t a billionaire.
- Top Senate Republicans are reportedly “bummed out” that their gotcha questions to catch Jack Smith perjuring himself turned out to be delusional lies made up by conspiracists and Russian bots on social media.
- The 10-part Trump TV documentary Trump is spending tax dollars to film about himself is reportedly having trouble with the interviews because Trump can’t stop dementedly changing the subject to his ballroom, that day’s stock trades, or Arnold Palmer’s giant dong.
- Peter Thiel reportedly collapsed at one of his talks in which he muses on dozens of young liberal women he believes could be the Antichrist, and a reptilian-looking creature crawled out of his body and ran away leaving behind a deflated skin suit.
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