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- Donald Trump was reportedly heckled at his rally this morning as protesters interrupted several times to shout, “Low energy!” “We want Jeb Bush!” and “Please clap!” at him.
- Stephen Miller and Jared Kushner are reportedly blaming each other for the GOP’s midterm meltdown, with Miller calling the Iran War “Jared’s folly,” and Kushner pointing out that Republicans were gaining Hispanic voters until Miller turned ICE into a “US Gestapo.”
- Trump claims that if Democrats win control of Congress they’ll raise gas prices, increase inflation, start a war, solicit bribes for political access, give military contracts to their kids, and abuse their power for frivolous investigations of political enemies.
- Tommy Teepell, the guy who made himself a national punchline trying to troll Abdul El-Sayed at a recent campaign event, is reportedly not the only twink Josh Hawley has trained to be a partisan hack.
- White House lawyers are reportedly telling Trump he can’t sue Supreme Court justices Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Coney Barrett if they rule that his schemes to declare martial law and steal several states’ ballots are unconstitutional.
- Trump is reportedly pissed that polls show Democrats are likely to win sizeable majorities in both the House and Senate because he still has to pull the US out of NATO for Vladimir Putin, invade and occupy Kharg Island for Benjamin Netanyahu, build nuclear reactors in the Gulf for Mohammed bin Salman, and end all of America’s arms deals with Taiwan for Xi Jinping or all four will release the blackmail they have on him, force him into bankruptcy demanding payment for all the secret loans they’ve given him, and withdraw all the funds they’ve put into his crypto coins, but all his corrupt commitments will be blocked by Democrats.
- At the current trajectory of Trump’s plummeting poll numbers, his approval rating will be lower than the average age of his sex-trafficking victims by June of 2027.
- Several opticians are offering JD Vance a free eye checkup and a free pair of glasses after he claimed he had seen no evidence that Trump has enriched himself while president.
- Trump and JD Vance’s new hotline for reporting election fraud has reportedly been busy with hundreds of tips warning about Trump sending ICE and police to polling stations, Trump’s lies about mail-in voting, and his threats to declare martial law.
- Texas Republicans are blaming Donald Trump for forcing them to gerrymander the state’s election map into a dummymander where the GOP will now lose more seats to Democrats than if they hadn’t changed the map at all.
- Senate Republicans are reportedly “astonished” by Donald Trump’s hostility toward Ukraine, and are asking themselves if there were any possible clues over the last decade that could have hinted Trump would choose Vladimir Putin over Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
- Ivanka Trump is reportedly worried that a Democratic Congress next year will subpoena Jared Kushner’s texts, emails, and financial records, he’ll be prosecuted for treasonously engineering the Iran War, and, worst of all, she’ll become poor.
- Trump is reportedly livid that Kristi Noem wasted so much of ICE’s budget on frivolous PR stunts for herself, and laundered even more in no-bid contracts to companies giving her kickbacks, that ICE doesn’t have the funds to pull off the midterm coup he wanted.
Which headline was your favorite? Tell me in the comments!
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