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- Dozens of federal judges are reportedly pledging to rule immediately against any attempt by Trump to steal states’ ballots to rig the midterms or declare martial law citing the Founding Fathers’ “originalist intent” that presidents can’t be whiny little bitches.
- Trump’s rallies are getting so small and low energy that GOP officials worry there will soon be more protesters at his events wearing “Release the Epstein Files” shirts than there will be MAGA fans to punch them.
- A debate moderator asked a GOP Senate candidate last night, “You said recently the Iran War must come to an end, so what is one thing you’ll do to force Trump to end it?” and the Republican stared blankly and open-mouthed for 9 seconds before finally saying, “Pass.”
- If Republicans keep control of Congress in the midterms, dozens of countries are reportedly planning to turn off all their particle accelerators and turn them on at the same time to try and shift Earth onto a new dimensional timeline where the US isn’t batshit crazy.
- The Trump family is reportedly accusing other countries of “unfair housing discrimination” after foreign governments are blocking their investment opportunities in various international real estate deals.
- The most viral video on Russian social media right now is of Vladimir Putin laughing until tears come to his eyes while watching an interview clip of JD Vance explaining to Fox News why he thinks Putin so strongly respects and admires Trump.
- The conservative-leaning Freedom Network’s most watched reality TV show, “Christian Men Being Alphas,” has paused production because two of its main stars have begun a publicly gay romance.
- Top GOP officials are reportedly begging Trump to stop thinking about replacing Chief-of-Staff Susie Wiles with Stephen Miller next year, warning that his already low approval rating of 32% will sink to 5% after two years with “Goebbels-Nosferatu at the helm.”
- A viral new TikTok trend called “deprogramming cleanses” involves teens and young adults going on their parents’ social media accounts and unfollowing or unsubscribing to all the MAGA influencers, Russian bots, Republican politicians, and conservative media companies.
- A top DOJ official says that, if they prosecuted every Trump diplomat or staffer accused of influence-peddling and soliciting bribes like Kimberly Guilfoyle, they’d have to fire 80% of Trump’s appointees and subpoena his kids’ financial records.
- Elon Musk spending $168 million to elect Ken Paxton appears to be backfiring as independent voters are calling Paxton “Elon’s slave,” “Elon’s gimp,” and “Elon’s cuck.”
- Democrats in New Mexico are sponsoring legislation to rename the state as “Release The Epstein Files.”
- Trump is reportedly livid after his own supporters told MAGA influencers that his recent rallies have been “lower energy than Jeb Bush circa 2016.”
Which headline was your favorite? Tell me in the comments!
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