NC Legislature Passes Law Requiring Wives To “Put Out” At Least 3 Times A Week


Raleigh, NC–

The North Carolina legislature is no stranger to controversy, having passed polarizing laws in recent years such as last year’s transgender bathroom law, and the state’s latest legislative effort is making national news once again.

The Family Rights Act (formerly known as House Bill 3), which just this morning passed in the state’s Senate by a slim margin, states that wives in heterosexual marriages throughout the state are now required by law to “put out” no less than three times a week, except when written approval is obtained from their husbands.

Throughout the legislative process, the bill earned fierce opposition from Democrats, women’s groups, and the American Civil Liberties Union, and its passage was threatened by several moderate Republican senators who were uneasy about the vagueness of the bill’s wording.

However, an amendment added late last night clarified that the “putting out” requirement could be fulfilled by any of the following: “(a) the missionary position, (b) blowjobs, (c) handjobs, or (d) vigorous dry humping.” The amendment locked in the support of the three holdout votes needed for passage.

Opposition groups have expressed outrage that the bill is “horrendously sexist and rapey,” “obscenely written,” and “based on the absurd premise that women owe their husbands sex.” Immediately after the bill’s passage, Democratic and women’s groups filed lawsuits, though their requests for delaying the law’s initiation was denied by Judge Walter Baldwin, who commented that the law seemed perfectly permissible in accordance with Biblical law.

“Don’t blame me,” said Judge Baldwin in a statement. “Man’s laws are transcribed from Biblical values, and the Bible is very clear that women were put on this Earth to serve men. I know for a fact that this law is going to be patriotically obeyed in my household.”

Opponents of the law in North Carolina were quick to blast Judge Baldwin for both his erroneous conception of the foundation of the American legal system as well as his misguided interpretation of ancient Old Testament rules.

Meanwhile, The NC Family Rights Act has been widely mocked throughout the country, and other states are once again planning economic boycotts of North Carolina. Big Business is getting involved as well, and so far the NCAA, ESPN, and NFL have all promised to cancel upcoming sporting events planned to be hosted in the state because of the bill. A long list of musicians, comics, and other performers have similarly announced North Carolina boycotts.

Despite the economic damage that opposition to this law is expected to create, the NC Republican Party has promised they will not back down or repeal the law like they did with the recent transgender bathroom bill.

“This law is not going anywhere,” promised NC Speaker of the House Jerry Tanner. “The Family Rights Act is awesome, and I’m gonna get so much action now that the threat of going to prison hangs over my wife if she says that she’s too tired for sex, or that she has a headache, or that she has to wake up early in the morning.”

*This story is developing.*

(Photo courtesy of Mr.TinDC.)

One thought

  1. Unconscionable, misogynistic. I’d rather divorce than have anyone proscribe my sexual activity. Boycott the whole state.

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