Donald Trump’s Health Checkup Claims His Beach Body Is Better Than Obama’s

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump has publicly compared himself to his predecessor Barack Obama throughout his young presidency, and has attempted to smear Obama’s legacy by signing executive orders to undue many of Obama’s accomplishments in order to make himself seem like a better president.

However, it appears that Mr. Trump is particularly self-conscious that Obama was a healthier, more fit president than he is.

Trump this morning published the following tweet:

“The Fake News will never admit this, but I have the best health. People always tell me they are so surprised how slim I am in person. Not many people know this, but the camera adds 175 lbs, so if you subtract that, I’m the healthiest president ever—better ‘beach bod’ than Obama! If only the media were honest!”

The topic must have stayed on Mr. Trump’s mind, because seventeen minutes later Trump tweeted again:

“The Trump family, as everyone knows, is big-boned, which is a great trait of geniuses. Bigger bones, bigger brains. And let me tell you that when Little Marco made fun of something else of mine being small, I can assure America: NO PROBLEM. Believe me. Big hands, big something else!”

Many free-thinking readers of the tweet can simply look at pictures of Mr. Obama and Mr. Trump and discern that the sentiment that Trump has a better beach body than Obama is laughably false, but Trump’s latest health report conducted one year into his presidency once again claims that Trump is in peak physical condition.

Trump’s original health exam during the general election was recorded on a single sheet of paper from a suspicious doctor who claimed Trump would be the “healthiest individual ever” elected to the presidency, and the note went viral for its apparent dosage of fake news. Trump, though, has always insisted that the note is legitimate.

Trump’s publicly expressed love for fast food, fear of exercise, and his obvious obesity, however, suggest that Trump’s arteries are likely clogged with thick cholesterol deposits. His bouts of heavy breathing while talking (particularly conspicuous during his election debates with Hillary Clinton) are also indicative of less than the “perfect health” Trump has claimed.

It should be noted that when Trump goes swimming in the White House basement pool he elects to wear a t-shirt.

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)