Fox News Changes Lineup, Gives Mike Huckabee All 3 Primetime Hours

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New York, NY—

Unfortunately for Fox News, ratings and viewership are continuing to plummet, with Fox News now firmly in third place behind MSNBC and CNN during the coveted primetime hours.

The purposefully conservative news network has lost its dominance in the cable news wars following a succession of high profile staff shakeups amid allegations of rampant sexual harassment, which prompted high profile employees, such as Megyn Kelly and Gretchen Carlson, to sue the network. The fallout from both lawsuits and the advertising boycotts that brought down former ratings king Bill O’Reilly and even Fox CEO and founder Roger Ailes have crushed the network’s morale, especially because Bill O’Reilly’s replacement has been a happily cynical cabbage patch doll (who has an awfully tough time putting himself in other people’s shoes while still imitating smug moral superiority as if the greatest virtue of all was libertarian selfishness) named Tucker Carlson.

“He’s too polite,” explained Hope Hannah, 93, a vexed Fox News viewer from Queens who shared with The Halfway Post her opinion on the direction Fox is taking in its lineup struggles. “I liked Bill O’Reilly much more, his racism was way more out in the open than this Carlson boy. When I was growing up, you didn’t have to hide being racist. That was the America I know and love. Get me back O’Reilly!”

Without the possibility of bringing back Mr. O’Reilly, however, an attempt to solve the network’s lineup rift is being launched in which Fox will give former-governor and part-time Fox commentator Mike Huckabee a show lasting throughout all three primetime hours in a desperate attempt to convince the network’s traditional viewers—rural conservatives, Southerners, and the elderly—a prime time host in their own image in order to convince them not to change the channel.

The new show is called “The Huckabee’s Knees,” and comes in three, hour-long segments.

The first hour segment is a recap of Huckabee’s recent, least lame Twitter jokes; the second hour is dedicated to commentary about the Trump Administration, which routinely results in Huckabee arguing that his daughter and Deputy Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders hasn’t sold her soul lying for President Trump; and the third segment is just Mr. Huckabee eating several bowls of cheddar grits one after the other while telling stories of his high school baseball days and struggling to remember the first and last names of every player on his team but persisting as if such details are vitally important to the stories.

Huckabee’s new show is a unique angle for Fox News to take, and it remains to be seen if Huckabee is capable of competing against heavyweight prime time competitors Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow of MSNBC, and Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper of CNN.

*This story is developing.*

(Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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