Thanks to a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit, The Halfway Post has learned that a suspicious White House budget charge is, in fact, a one-way plane ticket to Moscow for January 12th with the President’s name on it.
Our exclusive reporting immediately went viral across social media, with political pundits everywhere remarking on the President’s apparent fear of the ongoing House impeachment investigation.
President Donald Trump, however, pushed back on Twitter against the claims that he was worried in the following tweet thread:
“I’m only going to Moscow because President Putin has given me the rare honor of a brand new mansion in Moscow, totally for free because I’m such a good business man! Obama never got that, did he? So I have to go check it out.”
“But it’s 100% not because I colluded! NO COLLUSION. He told me he wishes I did collude because I practically made Russia go broke with my tremendous deals! He said he wishes Russia got HALF as much as America got when I announced I’d start abandoning NATO, the European Union, Ukraine, Japan and South Korea!”
“Putin is just so impressed at my dealmaking that he wants me to show him how it’s done! I’m not even paying a dime for this mansion! And it truly is one of the great mansions of all time. That’s why I don’t have a return ticket yet, I’m going to need a lot of time to move in and furnish it! But don’t worry about me, Putin gave me a big budget!”
“Menopause Pelosi can lie and say I must be worried about going to jail, but she’s a psycho bitch! I’m so innocent of quid pro quo it would blow your mind! Putin agrees that Lyin’ Hillary was a way bigger colluder than me! Putin said she was the quid pro quoest, maybe of all time!”
“So don’t worry GOP, I’ll be back! I’m just not telling when I’ll buy the return ticket! You know me, I like to keep everyone in suspense! And remember, NO QUID PRO QUO WITCH HUNT RABID DEMOCRATS DEEP STATE SHIFTY SCHIFF PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT NEVER MET STORMY DANIELS!”
“Oh wait, I admitted that last one already… NO QUID PRO QUO WITCH HUNT RABID DEMOCRATS DEEP STATE SHIFTY SCHIFF PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!”