St. Louis, MO—
Following a week of crazy controversies from President Donald Trump, psychologists have designated a new sociopathic syndrome based on the President’s psychological behavior.
The newly catalogued type of dementia is called FrontoTrumporal Syndrome, and affects nerve cell loss in ways that exhibit symptoms of extreme sociopathic narcissism and impulsive behavior as seen in Mr. Trump.
The diagnosis comes after the following controversies Trump committed this week:
- Texted his new Chief-of-Staff Mark Meadows the following text at 2am: “Ivanka, u up?”
- Was found for the third time in a week wandering the White House lawn looking for spare change that might have been dropped on the lawn following a Rose Garden press conference a few weeks ago.
- Kept peeling off paint chips from the Oval Office wall and eating them, repeatedly claiming that paint chips used to taste better “before political correctness and socialism made everyone stop putting lead in the paint.”
- Has called Mike Pence “Dad” repeatedly throughout the day for several months now.
- Did a photo-op with the national championship-winning college softball team after accidentally using purple foundation makeup instead of his usual orange.
- Walked around wearing only a diaper asking White House aides angrily if they could believe that Angele Merkel turned down sex with him during a NATO summit.
- Picked his nose during a coronavirus briefing until it bled.
- Drove his golf cart at Mar-a-Lago into a pond, got his hair soaking wet and looking ridiculous, gathered up handfuls of grass, placed it atop his head to fill in his giant bald spot, and demanded golfing buddy Sean Hannity give him some of his hair.
- Repeatedly forgot the insults he’s been lobbing at Joe Biden for being forgetful.
- Pulled out his dentures and simulated the act of blowing himself when Ivanka walked past during a national security meeting.
- Told Fox News’ Bret Baier in 2016 he won over 900 Electoral College votes.
- Got into a Twitter feud with a Washington D.C.-based Girl Scout troop in which he called them all 3’s and 4’s, except one who he DM’ed his penthouse address and said to “show some skin.”
- Called Vladimir Putin on his personal cell phone during a cabinet meeting and left a long, meandering voicemail message explaining that the coronavirus and stock market were really getting him down, and that he could totally go for another one of those late night showers. He kept dramatically winking despite it being a phone call, and then asked if Putin would not film it this time.
- Asked Mike Pompeo during a briefing on North Korea’s continuing nuclear missile program which adult film stars he had paid for sex. When Pompeo said he hadn’t ever done that, Trump was silent for a moment and then said he hadn’t either.
- Told a White House tour group of middle schoolers that the IRS personally told him that his tax returns were the most beautiful, tremendous, perfect tax returns they had ever seen and that he’d love to show them to everyone except that IRS audits take 100 years to complete.
- Texted Rudy Giuliani “Ivanka, u up?” and when Giuliani self-identified himself, Trump texted back, “If you cross-dress again with big fake jugs, I’m still down.”
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