Trump Says, If Reelected, He Has A 30-Day Plan To Defeat Coronavirus

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump claimed he had a 30-day plan to defeat the coronavirus today in a press conference, but that plan would only be unveiled after his reelection victory.

The following is a transcript of a rambling monologue he delivered to reporters:

“We’re doing great, great work against coronavirus. We’ve never seen anything like it. Both the virus, and our tremendous response. The numbers have gotten a little bad, which we don’t like. But also not so bad as some other places. So we like the numbers, and we like where the numbers are headed, and we believe everything will soon be under control. Or maybe not, because you never know. One thing happens one day, and the next, not. But we’ll see. We’ll know more tomorrow, and the day after that, but I’m very happy. We have masks, anyone who wants one can get one. The doctors are very happy with how many masks there are. And tests. Lot of tests. Very great tests. And fast. Fast tests. Some of the fastest tests anywhere in the world. Some places not so fast, but that depends on a lot of things, a lot of tough things. But we’re looking at everything. You wouldn’t believe how much we’re looking at. The doctors, they tell me, ‘Wow, Mr. Trump, you’re looking everywhere.’ They tell me I’m looking too much. But that’s my job. And I’m doing it so much better than people would have expected. But you’ve never seen such a happy, optimistic team as this team standing behind me. And my entire administration. Everyone is smiling around the White House. Beautiful smiles. Because we have a beautiful plan. One of the greatest plans any President in history has ever taken. It’s a 30-day plan, and, if I get reelected, I’m going to totally defeat the coronavirus in just 30 days. But I’m not going to tell how. Because we have to start being unpredictable. Because we’re always too predictable. The coronavirus hears everything when we always have press conferences. We say we’re doing this, or we’re going to do that, or we’re going to use this approach and this counter-measure. We have to start being unpredictable, folks. So coronavirus’s days are numbered, I can guarantee that. We have the greatest doctors in the world, and I’m going to give them total authorization to do what it takes. Just 30 days from the day I get reelected, it will be gone. Like magic. Just 30 days!”

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