Trump Just Announced A Deal With The Taliban To Build A Trump Tower Kabul

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump just announced he has made major strides in the peace deal with the Afghani Taliban.

Mr. Trump announced the deal in a Twitter thread this morning:

“Once again, President Trump is doing so much winning for America! With this peace deal, I am going to build a massive tower in downtown Kabul, and the Trump Organization is going to make a LOT of money. The Taliban will keep a 2/3rds stake, and I’ll keep the other 3rd. You’re welcome, America! #Trump2020”

“And the best part is that the Taliban will ensure all its rooms and office space are filled, because they’ll threaten the Afghan people to sign the leases! I wish I could do this in America! It would be a big help because my properties are largely empty, and have taken massive hits in our occupancy ratings since I called Mexicans ‘rapists,’ mocked military families and the physically handicapped, and called Nazis ‘fine people.’ It’s so much easier making money in other countries that aren’t democracies!”

“But I can’t wait to start raking in some Afghan money! The best part is that there are some rich tribal warlords who have some major money to spend. And they’re loaded! They do a lot of pedophile stuff with little boys, though, and that creeps me out. I may have created a televised beauty pageant so I could sneak in on changing teenaged girls and then solicit them for sex, but I’m not gay! My sexual perversions are normal! But America isn’t perfect either, and I want some of that sweet, sweet liquid cash!”

“This deal will do so much for America! When your President gets richer, your country looks better and other countries respect the USA more! Winning! So I’m not doing this Kabul Trump Tower for me, I’m doing it for all the hardworking Americans who are heroes of our economy. They just won’t get a cut of the profits, but they should remember that I’m thinking of them when I spend my profits taking married women out furniture shopping to try and grab them by the pussy!”

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