Fox News: “COVID19 Wouldn’t Have Happened If Liberals Prayed To White Jesus”

New York City, NY—

Fox News anchor Rachel Yoire made controversial remarks about COVID-19 today, in which she implied the coronavirus was hitting the US hard because not enough liberals pray to Jesus.

She then added extra comments that gave her remarks a racial tinge.

“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times,” said Yoire, “Liberals are putting America in harm’s way every time they refuse to acknowledge that Jesus’s skin was so white it could get sunburned on an early spring day. Same thing with Santa. I mean, Santa was a manager of dozens of laborers and was in a monogamous marriage, which race does that sound like? Right? …Right? This is not a politically correct thing. Jesus just had white skin. And blonde hair. Jesus may have lived in Jerusalem in the Middle East, but his family tree obviously came from somewhere more north. I’d guess maybe Sweden or Finland, judging by how blonde Jesus was, but nowhere south of Germany. The libtards can pretend storm troopers in Star Wars have brown skin all they want, or cast Shakespeare characters with black actors in theatrical productions, or pretend Martin Luther King Jr. was black if it makes them happy during Black History Month… but making Jesus look like an urban in historical facial reconstructions just crosses the line. And God is clearly upset about all of this PC nonsense. Coronavirus probably never would have been allowed into America if liberals just prayed to white Jesus once a month, or once a year even. Like maybe on Christmas, on his birthday. I just wish for once that liberals would do us all a favor and accurately picture Jesus’s pale, freckled face when they’re praying so we never get a pandemic again. Coronavirus is not China’s fault, it’s liberals’ fault for always trying to be racially inclusive. Jesus is racially exclusive. He was white then, and he’s white now. And when we die and go to Heaven, his skin will be more white and pure than any of us human sinners, okay? Just because Jesus did his miracles for brown and tan people, doesn’t mean he was brown or tan!”

Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/thehalfwaypost, Twitter @HalfwayPost, Tumblr at https://halfwaypost.tumblr.com, or Instagram @thehalfwaypost for more liberal, political humor and satire!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.