The KKK Wants You To Know They’re Wearing Hoods Because They’re Racist, Not Because Of COVID

Mobile, AL—

The Ku Klux Klan today tweeted a reminder to everyone that their penchant for wearing hoods has nothing to do with worries about the coronavirus.

The following are a series of tweets local KKK Grand Dragon Cleetus Gophert wrote:

“We’ve been wearing hoods for more than a century now, it’s kind of our thing! The hoods are not intended to protect us from COVID, and we believe Trump that the coronavirus is a sissy virus with inferior genetics that won’t affect us, and is being exaggerated by medical professionals and health experts! It’s just that we’ve grown accustomed to wearing the hoods.”

“Now, though, we’re conflicted over the desire to help Trump look good by going out in public with no facial adornments. It’s just that wearing only the KKK robes with no hoods on to hide our identities tends to have a negative effect on our personal relationships with our friends and family. Especially our KKK members who are cops!”

“Somehow the KKK got a bad reputation over the decades, and when we out ourselves publicly as Klansmen, it’s harder to convince people we aren’t bigoted extremists! They judge us for the color of our hoods, and not for our personal character or individualism. It’s very unfair, and they’re the racist ones!”

“I don’t understand why Klansmen are treated as second-class citizens. When we burn crosses on our black neighbors’ lawns, the other people in our town yell at us and spit on us. I’m afraid at all times we may be attacked just because of who we are. I have a dream where one day my Klan children won’t be judged solely by the color of their hoods!”

Related reading: Martin Luther King Jr.’s Letter From Birmingham Jail.

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